


Attention

by LelMoriarty



Category: EXO (Band), SHINee, SuperM (Korea Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fashion & Models, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Ballet, Borderline Personality Disorder, Chanyeol and Jongin do sleep with other people before their relationship develops, Drug Use, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Fashion & Couture, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Panic Attacks, Personality disorders and ADHD isn’t exactly the same for everyone, Self-Harm, Strippers & Strip Clubs, i can only speak from my own experience
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-16
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-02-07 06:34:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 38,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21453604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LelMoriarty/pseuds/LelMoriarty
Summary: Just a few moments now, a few steps, a few seconds, and the music changes. Jongin takes a deep breath, Jin behind him slaps his ass to wish him good luck and Jongin is walking.Maybe these people truly value his beauty.
Relationships: Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Lee Taemin, Kim Jongin | Kai/Park Chanyeol, Kim Kibum | Key/Lee Jinki | Onew, Kim Seokjin | Jin/Kim Taehyung | V, Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 18
Kudos: 113





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Or in which Chanyeol‘s roommate Taemin picks up a stripper one night and brings him into their home. Taemin is set on offering Jongin a second chance at life and him and Chanyeol grow to love him and support him as he tries to make peace with his own mind.

In his youth Jongin thinks he has it all. Every problem is just a minor problem that he has the luxury to either ignore or work through very quickly without consequences. He knows he’s handsome for his age, he’s athletic, pretty girls crush on him easily, he’s popular at school, he’s talented and he’s very hard working. Every parent wants a son like him, or want him as a boyfriend for their own child. He is going to grow up so successful, he can just feel it and people are either jealous or encouraging him. He’s one of these child prodigies that are way too young and way too gifted for their own good. They praise him as someone brilliant, a wonder, because he is just that skilled at dancing. His control over his body is insane to watch, he can make professional ballerinas pale in comparison. 

Jongin’s back hurts a lot, too much for a fifteen year old. His feet are already wearing the scars and bruises of a dancer, because he can’t stop dancing. Ballet is going to be his life, he’s going to be the best, he’s going to be the most well known ballet dancer in the world and he’s going to dance in Moscow, London and Paris. Those are the dreams of a teenager high on life, growing and thriving and ambitious. He is hungry for the opportunities offered to him. In the rarest of moments however he would feel weird. A little empty part inside him that he does not dare look into. What if he starts over thinking? Thoughts can be scary and he refuses to find out just how scary. ‘Disconnected’ is what his mother calls it. He is disconnected from certain emotions and maybe if he started looking into that cold feeling spot within him, he would discover what she means. 

When Jongin is sixteen he feels like dying. What is he going to do with his existence if he cannot fill it with dance. Jongin had been reckless, he had not been looking. One car accident, one mere moment, and Jongin’s entire life is ruined. He is stuck in the hospital, he can’t walk, let alone dance. He feels captured, trapped. The white walls are making him feel sick. He hates being contained like this. 

Of course he heals. He can walk, he can run, he can do sports. He can’t dance anymore, not professionally, not to the extend of perfection he expects from himself. He tries anyway, because that is who he is. 

He tries to do pirouettes and a sharp pain in his spine tells him it’s impossible. But for him impossible means bullshit. He tries and he tries. He does what he always does with problems, he ignores them, ignores what the doctors say. He can still dance, it is simply more difficult and painful. 

Life proves Jongin wrong. He makes the injury worse, he stops focusing on school, he takes too many painkillers. He can’t accept that his life has changed. He absolutely refuses. He is rushed to the hospital when he falls and passes out. He gets angry and lashes out. Maybe it is not him, but them who are the issue. If only they supported him and his dreams instead of blocking him, and maybe with the right medication this could all work out. 

It doesn’t. 

Jongin keeps taking painkillers. He drops out of school. It’s not worth it anymore. He had envisioned one life, and one life only. Now dirt is all that is left, and Jongin does not work for something that means dirt to him. There are things he does care about. One thing that the accident miraculously could not take away are his good looks. He has an interest in fashion, he reads the magazines at the train station. He likes makeup too, although he does not understand it. As with dance, Jongin grows obsessed. At this point he thinks his beauty is the only thing he has, the only thing that makes him relevant. He starts smoking to help kill his love for food. It does not take long for him to develop an addiction. He has weeks where he starves himself and only consumes protein shakes. He still looks beautiful, and he needs to stay beautiful. 

He’s seventeen and sick of his home, sick of the disappointment he sees every time he looks his parents in the eye. They have tried everything to get him back to school. One day he tells them that yes, he will go to school. He leaves, he memorises the hopeful look on their faces, and then he never comes back. 

Running away from home is tougher than he had predicted. He steals, he finds shelter with drug dealers who are fond of him, they think he’s sweet. One day he is walking down an ally, his hands are shaking, he’s out of cigarettes and opium. He’s tired, too. But he is still beautiful. He never sleeps on the street. He is always washed. He makes sure of that.  
Someone whistles at him, asks him how much. Jongin is confused and the stranger explains that he will pay for a good fuck. Jongin has never slept with a man before. He lies about his age when the stranger asks and he takes him home. 

For three months that is how Jongin gets by. He lives in a tiny apartment with some other prostitutes. They are kind to him. Jongin still does not trust them, he is scared of getting closer to them. What if they secretly despise him? 

He misses dancing. He goes around asking for jobs at several clubs, but he is not old enough. He will turn eighteen soon, and he is sick of selling his body when he could use that body in a much better way. 

The club Jongin is standing in front of has not opened yet. It’s a more expensive club, it looks glamorous. It’s the kind of strip club that rich business men go to, the young heirs of people with big names come here to feel young and important, it seems safe for the dancers and there is no actual sex involved. They do not let Jongin in. 

“But I read you’re looking for new dancers. I’m a good dancer.”  
“You’re handsome,” the bouncer agrees, “but that is not enough. And you look too young. Got an ID?”  
Jongin takes a step back. He is not enough. But if he looks good, how can that not be enough? “I’m almost eighteen. Are you telling me you would say no to this?”  
Jongin shrugs his jacket off his shoulders, showing off the tight sheer shirt he is wearing and skinny jeans so tight they look painted on. He steps closer again, hips swinging and the bouncer swallows. “Look, kid, you’re very pretty, okay? But what we are doing here is professional business and-“  
“I used to dance professionally.”  
“Oh yeah?”  
“Yes. Ballet.”  
The bouncer snorts and Jongin has never felt so insulted. “I need this job, not your opinion!”  
Jongin is shy until he feels challenged. The bouncer looks like he has had enough and Jongin knows he is not going to get in like this.

For the first time in a long while Jongin feels as if luck is on his side. A black car rolls up and a woman steps out. She is pretty and is wearing a red velvet suit.  
“Boss,” the bouncer greets her.  
She smiles delicately, looking between Jongin and the guard. “What’s this?” she demands.  
“A kid trying to find a job.”  
The woman puts a slender finger under Jongin’s chin, tilting his head at different angles even though he is taller than her. “What a face. That is almost too pretty for a club like mine.” She smirks and withdraws her hand. “How old are you, boy?”  
“Seventeen, ma’am.”  
“I don’t mess with the law.” She taps her chin as if in thought. “Come in, let’s discuss something.” 

She asks for his name and gives hers in return. Her name is Irene. She makes Jongin take his shirt off to inspect if he’s truly pretty everywhere. She makes him dance and he is proud of her surprised face when she sees how sensual and perfect his movements are. She tells him that she will hire him once he turns eighteen. He is not allowed to show up before that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess this is my way of squeezing fashion and Chankai into one fic. Find me on twitter here @HonigNini if you wanna hear me scream about Jongin


	2. React

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story will focus a lot more on the fashion industry after this chapter ;)

“You’re going out?” Chanyeol asks, shuffling into the kitchen to find Taemin knocking back what looks like his third tequila shot. 

Taemin looks ethereal like he often does. His eyelids are shimmering, his full lips a soft pink. He is wearing a white Chanel jacket with a brooch on the chest, and a Chanel necklace around his long neck.  
The tight black jeans emphasise how skinny his legs really are and his patent leather shoes are heeled.  
“You should come with us,” Taemin says, grinning brightly.  
He means Minho and himself. Minho is wearing suit trousers and a shirt that stretches tightly over his broad frame. He has better pecks than Chanyeol. Chanyeol makes a mental note to himself to go to the gym more often.  
“Some of us actually go to uni,” Chanyeol sulks.  
“We’re going to check out a new strip club,” Minho says. “Well, the club isn’t new. But we haven’t been there yet.”  
Taemin rolls his eyes. “Minho’s horny.” He leans in closer in a pretentious whisper. “Poor thing has a dry spell.”  
Minho looks offended and more or less jokingly shoves Taemin.  
Chanyeol sometimes wonders how the hell he had ended up being Taemin’s roommate. Taemin’s family had always had a lot of money. All of Taemin’s friends had a lot of money, including Minho.

... 

Four years ago Baekhyun had dragged Chanyeol out, telling him they would go to a concert. Chanyeol was betrayed and they ended up going to the ballet. Chanyeol did not dislike the ballet, he just had no idea what to make of it. He had never really been interested in any kind of dance. He knows what these dancers do is very artistic and hard, but he couldn’t help but get bored after an hour. They had been watching Onegin. The dancer who had played Onegin that season had been Taemin. Chanyeol had to admit that Taemin was very entrancing. 

Baekhyun introduced them and to mutual surprise they ended up befriending each-other, despite being polar opposites. 

Chanyeol learned that connections are indeed everything. Taemin’s older brother happened to be married to Kim Kibum, one of Asia’s most popular designers. Kibum knows the principle of a prestigious art school and organised a scholarship for Chanyeol.  
He started studying graphic- and interior design there.

Taemin seemed lonely in his big apartment, so Chanyeol told him to move in with him and within a week Taemin had signed a contract for a luxury apartment Chanyeol would never be able to afford.  
“Are you crazy? Tammy, I can’t pay for this.”  
“Well, you don’t have to pay then.”  
“No, that’s stupid.”  
“How much is your student accommodation now?”  
“Like 410 a month.”  
“Give me that much then. Come on, it’s gonna be fun!” 

Chanyeol had agreed after a few days of pondering, not wanting to let his friend hanging. But also, the apartment was the nicest thing he had ever stepped foot into. 

Taemin never complains about paying for most things. When Chanyeol addresses financial matters, Taemin just tells him that Chanyeol cooks for the both of them almost every day and that it is more than enough. 

Minho is the son of a ballet mistress at Taemin’s company, and a personal trainer and nourishment counsellor. The three of them are now gym buddies. 

...

“You two go and have fun for me,” Chanyeol sighs, as he fills a jug with water.  
He has to finish several designs and the deadlines are starting to stress him out a little.  
“Have one,” Minho encourages, pointing at a shot glass with his chin. 

Chanyeol rolls his eyes and takes the shot, feeling the pleasant burn in the back of his throat.  
“Next month I’ll come with you, and we can stare at boobs together.”  
“The club actually has all sorts of genders. I love that,” Taemin says.  
“Really?” Chanyeol’s eyes are gleaming slightly and Minho laughs, slapping Chanyeol’s back like a true bro.  
“Stop tempting him,” Minho tells Taemin and starts pushing him out of the kitchen. “We’re going. See you tomorrow morning, Chanyeol.”  
Chanyeol gives them a small wave goodbye and then carries the jug and an empty glass back to his room. 

...

The boy does not belong here, Taemin can tell. Taemin would never shame anyone for their profession, but he just knows that Kai could do so much more than grind on a pole. He can recognize another dancer when he sees one. He can tell Kai is holding back. He is naturally better than all the other strippers up on their platforms and stages, and he is clearly trying not to overshadow them. He kind of still does. Taemin had asked a waiter for his name.

Kai’s hair is dyed messily, a washed out turquoise is still slightly visible under faded pink. He is painted with grey eyeshadow and a glossy lipstick. Faint glitter is smeared across round shoulders and sharp collarbones. He has a strong jawline, golden skin and legs that go on for miles. He gracefully swirls around the pole, seemingly lost in the music and not very focused on the crowd ogling him.  
He is wearing pink lace and fishnet stockings. His shirt a sheer of nothing, defined abs and dark nipples clearly visible underneath.

He dances for himself and here and there drives the crowd crazy by showing off his perky ass, or running his hands down his body and dropping to his knees. When he does focus on one of the guests it is fatal. He locks eyes with a woman behind Taemin and seductively pulls his index and middle finger into his plush mouth and giving it a few sucks, before releasing his fingers, trailing them down his torso and eventually palming himself through his lace panties. He gives a last dashing smirk before twirling around, focus already somewhere else. 

Taemin is fascinated and Minho is horny. In this moment they both want him. They drink and dance with some people and Minho gets side-tracked with a female stripper in latex. That is until Kai gets his solo stage, announced through a microphone as the music pauses.  
“He is our main attraction, our most precious toy, and he’ll be real good to you tonight, ladies and gentlemen. Kai!” 

Taemin smiles as he sees the now familiar body slide through heavy curtains. He looks the same as before, except that his lips are dark red now and he is wearing a leather jacket and heels. His slender hips move invitingly and his face is sultry, dripping sex wherever his gaze lands. The music starts out slow, and so do Kai’s movements. Like water he dances over the stage, before eventually circling his pretty fingers around the pole the second the beat drops. 

Kai is unfolding in front of them. He works on the pole with strong arms and thighs, muscles taut and bronze. He arches his back beautifully, absolute control from his finger tips to his toes. Sure, Taemin finds him attractive, but there is nothing he appreciates more than a dancer with such discipline in every fibre of his body. 

Throughout his routine Kai loses thw jacket, his hair gets messy and he carelessly throws his sheer shirt into the crowd. He is sprawled out on the ground, thrusting the stage and the air, fingers touching himself daintily. The audience lets money rain upon him and it makes Kai laugh with delight. 

The song ends and another starts. 

Some strippers start collecting the money off the stage, but Jongin’s show is not quite over yet. He sinks to his knees not for the first time tonight and starts crawling towards a man standing close to the left side of the stage. 

Taemin analyses him quickly. He has a lot of cash that he is waving around and he is decorated in tasteless but expensive bling. He would spend plenty on Jongin, it is so obvious in his eyes. Taemin does not want something so filthy to have someone as unique as Kai. Taemin can better this man in anything. 

Taemin has never hid his money, but he has never made a show of it either. Today is an exception. He grabs Minho’s hand and pulls him with him, closer to Kai. 

“How much does Daddy have to give his little kitten for a lap dance?” 

Taemin rolls his eyes. What an uncreative thing to say. He shoves bills into Minho’s arms and pushes him forward. “What?” 

“I don’t know, go seduce the stripper. I want him.” 

“But why are you not doing it?” Minho questions.

“I already look expensive. You need this money to look expensive because you didn’t dress well.” 

“Thanks...”

“Bitch, I’m helping you get laid. And he’s prettier than all of your exes combined.” 

“No need to be rude.”

Minho is handsome, with a little money the old prick Kai is flirting with will pale in comparison.  
Taemin is right of course. Kai catches Minho’s eyes when the latter calls for him. 

Kai turns his face to the other man one last time, smiling wide, baring white teeth. Kai gets closer, spreads his legs and hooks a finger into his panties. The vapoured man almost topples over in his hurry to stuff bills down the pants and although Taemin cannot hear it, he sees Kai moan. He points at his parted lips and his jaw snaps shut around another small stag of money. 

Taemin thinks that’s horribly unhygienic, but Kai is quick to take the bills out of his mouth and discreetly hand them to a member of staff before leaving the poor, desperate soul behind without giving him anything but a smirk over the shoulder. 

The man is outraged, but nobody had forced him to give this boy so much cash. 

His eyes fixed on Minho he slowly crawls across the stage, like a predatory cat. “Hey, sugar,” he purrs once he is close enough. 

His voice is deep and simultaneously playful. 

“Hm, hey, Baby.”

“What can I do for you? You wanna watch me dance some more? You want to touch?” 

Jongin looks just the right amount of sexy and coy, Taemin is impressed. 

“Am I allowed to?” Minho asks. 

Jongin just shrugs. 

There is so much tan skin on display with Jongin wearing practically nothing. Minho does not have to be told twice to reach out, fingers touching a bare, smooth thigh. 

Jongin grins. He seems to like Minho. He swings his long legs over the edge of the stage and loops his arms around Minho’s neck. 

He begins playing with Minho’s short hair. “I’m really expensive to touch.” 

“That won’t be a problem,” Taemin interrupts 

Jongin looks at him, looks him up and down, and then back to Minho. “Who’s your pretty friend?” he asks, licking his lips and crooking a finger to urge Taemin closer. 

Taemin introduces himself and Minho to him. 

Kai takes them to a private room, for a private show. He leaves the cash with another staff member and Taemin kisses the lipsticks right off his mouth.  
“Dance for me again,” Taemin breathes, kissing along his neck.  
And Kai delivers. 

...

They do leave a little fortune at the club that night, yet they take Kai home for free. 

Kai wants them too, not for money. No, he desires it for himself. Something he has not allowed himself in a while. Minho and Taemin are much kinder than anyone else who wanted him and never could. Actual sex is not a service that the club provides. 

When Kai’s shift ends he gets dressed, grabs his stuff and tells them his real name. 

“Jongin sounds a lot cuter than Kai,” Minho compliments. 

They are walking and it is too cold for Jongin’s thin jacket and ripped jeans. Minho has his warm arms around him and with one hand Jongin holds onto Taemin’s much smaller hand. They giggle on their way, sharing drunk kisses. 

“I have never been in this neighbourhood before,” Jongin says, a little in awe.

They had arrived at Taemin’s apartment. Jongin takes in the building with nervous eyes. He only knows fake glamour. This is different, this is real. He is not good enough for this. Minho seems to sense his uneasiness. He puts his palms on Jongin’s cheeks. 

Taemin is gentle as he guides him to the elevators and eventually into the apartment. “We have to be quiet,” he warns, as they sneak through the dimly lit flat. “I have a roommate.” 

“I’m afraid you might have to gag me,” Jongin giggles. 

“He’s kinky, I like him,” Minho says, picking him up and throwing him over his shoulder as if he weighed nothing.  
Jongin lets out a squeak and then slaps his hand over his mouth. “Sorry,” he whispers to Taemin, although he does not look sorry at all. 

... 

Jongin loves the soft sheets under him. Private lap dances are expensive, but it still makes Jongin feel cheap. Now, for the first time in years, Jongin truly feels rich, high on contentment. It almost feels like they want to make love to him, rather than fuck him because he feels better than their right hand, and then throw him aside like the used whore he knows he is. 

He has Minho between his legs, scattering kisses across his chest and sucking on his nipples. Minho is already three fingers deep inside him, and Jongin loves that too. Jongin enjoys it more than he had enjoyed anything in the last couple of months. 

Nobody had ever prepared him so carefully, it made him feel so good and kind of special. Minho is stretching his hot walls as fingertips brush over his prostate every now and then. Jongin has an arm thrown over his mouth. “I’m gonna come if you continue like that,” he whispers, muffled. 

Jongin feels delirious when Taemin suddenly has his mouth on his dick. He fondles his balls and trails the shaft with his tongue before sucking on the head, licking up the few drops of pre cum. It is too much for Jongin when Taemin’s mouth fully engulfs him. He cannot help himself, pressing his head into the pillows and baring his neck as he spills into Taemin’s mouth with a brassy moan.

Taemin wastes no time moving up the bed and pressing his lips to Jongin’s. Jongin is overwhelmed, but he happily lets Taemin force his mouth open, lets him make Jongin taste his own cum.Taemin licks into Jongin’s mouth and Jongin receiveshis tongue like a gift. Eventually Taemin breaks away, leaving Jongin dizzy and breathless. He quickly kisses Jongin’s sweaty temple. “Good boy,” Taemin praises and a shiver runs down Jongin’s spine. “Wanna return the favour?”

Jongin nods greedily, smile genuine. 

Taemin grabs a handful of hair and pulls Jongin toward his crotch. At this point Minho withdraws his fingers, leaving Jongin too empty. He does not complain though, knowing his mouth was going to be used. He automatically opens his mouth, taking almost all of Taemin’s cock in. 

“Take your time, baby,” Taemin soothes, hand still in his hair. 

Once Jongin has found his rhythm Taemin starts shallowly thrusting up into his mouth. Jongin closes his eyes and relaxes his jaw.

He only notices where Minho had gone when he feels the tip of his cock nudge against his entrance, snugly pressing between his ass cheeks. Minho is not small, but Jongin is not worried. He had prepared him better than any guy before.

When Minho pushes in inch by inch, the burn is dull and the pleasure overpowers it easily.

Jongin moans at how stuffed he feels. Minho grinds his hips, pushing lightly against that special spot. 

Jongin gasps, letting Taemin slip out of his mouth, not able to focus on the task any longer, not when he was being impaled so perfectly.

“No, what are you doing,” Jongin whines. He’s trying not to sound too desperate when Minho bottoms out again.

“Shh, I got you,” Minho promises and hurries to put on one of the condoms that Taemin keeps in his nightstand drawer.

He rolls Jongin onto his back, spreads golden thighs apart and enters again. Jongin is drooling and his mouth stays open in silent screams and moans when Minho starts fucking him in earnest this time. He fucks hard and deep, keeping his hands on Jongin’s thighs, keeping them bent to his chest. 

Jongin pulls at his own hair, biting his lip in an attempt keep quiet. He is only somewhat successful. 

Minho is getting faster and more frantic, groaning when his climax hits. 

Minho pulls out and moves away, it makes Jongin feel awful. He whimpers Minho’s name, who is quick to kiss his worries away and Jongin forgets about them again.

Jongin makes grabby hands at Taemin, who laughs, scooting closer. “I’m right here. Turn over, Jongin.” 

Jongin obeys, rolling onto his belly. Taemin grabs his hips tightly, lifting Jongin’s ass in the air. Taemin positions himself behind him. 

He is not as big as Minho, but thick and he still makes Jongin see stars.

Taemin is a lot harsher than Minho. It does not feel better or worse, just different. Jongin buries his face in his arms, rocking back against Taemin, trying to keep up with his pace. Taemin reaches around to touch Jongin’s dick, stroking him with fast flicks of his wrist. 

Jongin is panting, subconsciously clenching tightly around Taemin as he shudders through his orgasm. 

He does not feel it when Taemin follows him over the edge, too caught up with himself. 

... 

Minho brings a wet towel to clean them up. They spoil Jongin with hugs and kisses. 

They take him into their middle. Minho is pressed against Jongin’s back, and Taemin is at his front, tracing the lines of his face and chest with a finger. 

Minho is asleep within a minute, his breath is warm between Jongin’s shoulder plates.

“I have a green tea foam cleanser for your makeup,” Taemin says, as he examines Jongin’s smudged makeup. 

“I usually just use water and like... soap.”

Taemin grimaces. “You do know that’s fatal for your skin. You can use some of my skin care products tomorrow. And how about a moisturising sheet mask? That is if you want to stay that long. I could get you a Uber if you don’t want to stay the night.” 

Taemin thinks he has done something wrong, guilt ripping through him when he sees tears gather in Jongin’s brown eyes.  
“No, no, I’m sorry. What is it? You’re not hurt, are you?”  
Jongin shakes his head, wiping under his eyes with his knuckles. “I’m just- I’m dirty. This apartment is so clean.” 

Jongin’s breath hitches, he feels his heart hammering so hard it’s painful. This cannot be happening, not right now, not in front of someone who has been nothing but kind to him all night. 

“I’m sorry, I should go, I should-“  
Jongin scrambles to get out of the bed, picking up his clothes in record time. He pulls them on while stumbling out of the room. 

Taemin comes after him and manages to grab him by the arm in the living room. “I’m not thinking lowly of you,” Taemin says. “I’d never want you, or anyone, to think like that about themselves because of me.” 

Jongin sniffles, shaking his head. “You’ve met me a few hours ago. Why would you want me anywhere near you after you’re done fucking me. Don’t be nice to me out of pity.”

Jongin looks miserable. So different from the giggling, sensual boy he thought he had brought home. As if on instinct Taemin pulls Jongin forward into a hug. He has to stand on his tip toes to get his arms around Jongin’s broad shoulders and Jongin has to bent down, burying his face into Taemin’s shirt. 

It is then that Jongin lets out a ragged sob, his fingers dig into Taemin’s skin hard. He keeps choking out apology after apology. He is so embarrassed. Taemin makes them sit on the sofa, his arms never leaving him. 

Jongin focuses on Taemin’s heartbeat to ground himself a little.

Taemin sees a tired Chanyeol step out of his room, squinting in confusion.  
Taemin makes a hushing gesture behind Jongin’s back. 

Chanyeol would have questions tomorrow, but he knows that now is not the time to intervene. 

...

Taemin tries to coax Jongin out of his shell. Jongin is too tense, hands cramping.  
It takes him a few minutes to explain that he does not want to look at Taemin’s eyes.  
He says it’s distracting and intimidation 

Taemin does not push him.

“It’s okay,” Taemin says, letting Jongin keep his face in the crook of his neck. “But please tell me what happened?”

“You treat me too well.” 

“You’re great though. I mean that. You know why I brought you here? Like yeah, you’re hot, but I loved the way you danced.”

Jongin stops crying after a few more moments, but still refuses to lift his head. “W-what did you like about it?”

“I don’t know where to start. You made it look effortless, which is only possible with a lot of experience and muscle control. You did more than a strip tease. You danced very sharply and hit every single beat. And somehow you still found the time to flirt with the guests there just by giving them a look.” 

Jongin does not reply, but finally loosens his iron grip on Taemin. He sits up, eyes stay trained on his lap. 

“There’s something wrong with me. You shouldn’t have seen that. I get weird episodes. I’m sorry.”

“What makes you say that? Tell me how to help?”

“What more could you possible get out of being with me?”

“A friend. We could talk more about dancing.”

“It’s not your fault, by the way. Like I said, there is something wrong with me. I can’t think straight sometimes, it’s like running against walls. It really scares me. I was less scared today though.”

Now that he has started putting things into words that he never says aloud, it is like he can’t stop. Things are bubbling up and pooling out of his mouth like a waterfall. 

“My co workers say I don’t react right,” Jongin says. “I overreact and don’t get certain situations. My emotions are so baseless. I freak out over the smallest of things. Do you understand now why you wouldn’t want to be my friend? Not even I can stand my brain.”

Jongin is clutching at his own chest, trying to calm his heart down. It is aching and Jongin wants to rip it out, like he sometimes wants to crash his skull in and tear his brain into pieces. 

Jongin’s hands are shaking slightly. He looks helpless. Taemin wants to help. He knows he can. There is no reason why he wouldn’t at least try. 

“You’re pitying me. Stop it.” 

“I can’t help it. So let me help you.”

“I’m not a project for some rich kid to fix. Shit, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I never mean to be an asshole.” 

“Only you can fix yourself, Jongin. But I can support you. Please, come to bed for now.”

...

“Well, sounds a bit like an anxiety disorder to me,” Chanyeol says over breakfast. 

Him and Taemin sit across each other on the marble kitchen counter. Minho had sprinted to work too late this morning and Jongin is still alseep. 

He had been awake for a minute around eight, but Taemin had told him that it was alright and he should go back to sleep if he wanted to. 

“But also not, it doesn’t quite match up,” Chanyeol continues, “then again, this stuff doesn’t have strict rules, ya know?” Irrational and erratic thoughts, extreme reactions and random outbursts could be a lot of things.

Taemin munches on the pancakes Chanyeol has made him, swinging his legs in thought. “I don’t want him to be alone, Chanyeol. He implied that I kind of helped him yesterday. That alone is worth keeping him around.”

“I don’t want to be harsh, but what he needs is a therapist and maybe a job that doesn’t make him feel like shit.”

“Let’s start with him having a friend.” 

“How do you know he doesn’t have friends?” 

Taemin ignores the comment. “He likes parts of his job. The stage, the dancing, playing around.” 

“Emphasis on parts. If he’s not stable this kind of job is probably just making it worse. How old is he even? If he’s an adult he should make his own decisions. Don't try to make them for him. Holy shit, I can’t believe you had a threesome with a stripper! Did you double d?” 

Taemin frowns. “No. I didn’t think about that actually.” 

“Useless. Who knows, maybe he would have said yes. Missed opportunity, Tammy.” 

“I definitely would have said yes.” 

Chanyeol and Taemin whip their heads around and there he stands in the doorframe; hair tousled, leftover makeup in the corners of his eyes. He is still wearing the shirt Taemin had lent him to sleep in. Chanyeol recognises his own clothes that Taemin had stolen over the years. . 

“Really?!” Taemin said. “I’m stupid.”

Jongin’s smile is warm when he slowly walks towards them. He looks shy and so much softer than the night before. 

“Um, hi. I’m Chanyeol,” 

“Jongin.” 

“I know. I’m sorry you heard us talking about you. You- you seem-“

Chanyeol straightens his glasses. He is a bit taken aback. Jongin is beautiful and Taemin had dared to describe him as “kinda hot”. 

“I’m the one who should apologise,” Jongin mumbles, looking at Taemin carefully. “I was out of line and made you worried. Could I take a shower? I’ll be off after, I swear.” 

“Or how about,” Taemin says, “a shower, I’ll help you with your skin routine that you will do from today on, and then I can reheat you some of these pancakes.” 

“I made them,” Chanyeol says proudly. “Some of them are with chocolate chips.” 

“That sounds tempting.”

Chanyeol nods. “Be tempted.” 

“Hm, okay.” 

“Oh, that was easy.”

Taemin gets off his chair to show Jongin to the bathroom and give him a towel. “Is sunlight making you shy?” Taemin grins. 

“I- maybe. I mean, at night I can just be Kai. Not sure what I can be during the rest of the day.” 

“A mess. But not for the reasons you think. I mean your nest hair. Go shower.” 

...

Chanyeol has moved from the kitchen counter to the large, leather sofa, pulling his legs up, tablet in his hand.  
He is not exactly unhappy with yesterday’s designs, however he still has to look over them and correct small errors he remembers bothering him. 

Chanyeol had tried to explain what he is doing to Taemin a couple of times, but the dancer has not an ounce of spatial thinking. 

He startles when the door is unlocked form the outside and slammed open. 

“Jesus fuck,” Chanyol squeals, almost dropping his tablet. 

“It’s us!!” Baekhyun screeches. 

Kibum next to him sighs dramatically, but his face is fond. 

“Aren’t you happy to see us?” Baekhyun says, getting himself behind Chanyeol to knead his shoulders in the most painful massage Chanyeol has ever experienced.

“I am,” Chanyeol groans. “I just didn't know you were coming.” 

Baekhyun is a singing teacher thirty percent of his time, the rest of the time he is Kibum’s assistant. 

Funny how the universe works sometimes. Taemin’s brother Jinki had been freshly engaged to Kibum when Baekhyun had started working for Kibum. 

They found out that Taemin and Jinki are related much later. Since then Baekhyun insists on telling everyone about his soulmate destiny with Taemin. 

Taemin comes sprinting out of his room when he hears their guests. “Hyung? The fuck are you doing here?” 

“Yes, hello,” Kibum says and looks up the small stairway that leads to the second floor of the apartment. “I’m totally going to apologise that I dared to clear my schedule for a few hours just to eat lunch with you, you little demon.” 

“Yeah, on Sunday!” 

“It is Sunday!!” 

“Oh shit. Okay, but where is Jinki?” 

“Busy. Baekhyun and me are flying out to Milan this evening. We’re leaving directly from here, that why he's with me.”

“And I’m good company,” Baekhyun says, spreading his arms wide, his grin is even wider. “You’re welcome.”

Taemin hurries down the stairs. “I met someone really lovely, please don’t scare them away.”

“Why would I do that?” Kibum asks, eyebrow raised.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun both snort out a laugh. “You’re actually really cute and friendly,” Chanyeol begins.  
Baekhyun agrees. “It’s just that your first impression is kind of... well...” 

“You seem like a bitch and you look super judgy,” Taemin says simply. 

Kibum gives him a death glare and Taemin complains that this is exactly what he had meant. 

“Who is he anyway?”

Taemin blinks a few times. “Minho and me went out last night and maybe we had a threesome.” 

“Go on.” 

“There is nothing else. I like him.” 

“No, there is more. Go on.” 

“He seems a little lost. I just want him to be comfy.” 

“Taemin-ah?” Jongin is dressed in one of Taemin’s more loose sweatpants and one of Chanyeol’s tighter shirts, hem tucked in and hair damp from the shower. 

He is chewing on one of his knuckles as he slowly comes down the stairs. 

Baekhyun rushes forward and grabs Jongin’s free hand, shaking it violently. “Byun Baekhyun, nice to meet you!” 

Jongin smiles faintly. “Jongin,” he says, brushing some of his fringe behind his ear. 

At times Kibum’s brain can be utterly fashion-wired. He lays eyes on Jongin and it is as if a switch is turned on and visions of colors and themes for collections flicker through his mind. 

Jongin looks disheveled, but Kibum sees potential in his bone structure, his hazy eyes and full lips. Kibum cannot guess his age. Jongin seems young and yet so whithered. He is slouching, he appears already tired of life and the dark circles under his eyes are heavy. 

“How old are you?” Kibum asks.

“Wow, that’s his business voice,” Baekhyun whispers, loud enough for everyone to hear. 

“Almost twenty-two.” 

“That’s not too old.” Kibum scans Jongin’s frame with interest. “Next week we’re holding auditions for models to walk my next show in Tokyo. I’d like you to come, although I am pretty sure that you will pass easily. Just gotta fix your back a little.” 

Jongin automatically straightens his back. “I- I don’t know what to say,” he mutters, pushing a finger joint between his teeth, gnawing on it subconsciously. 

His eyes flick between the men present. He feels overwhelmed again, he feels something inside his chest pull itself together and his head is racing. He starts rubbing his thumb and index finger together behind his back, he has to move, has to do something that can match the pace of his thoughts. 

“You don’t have to reply right away,” Taemin says, putting a hand on Jongin’s shoulder. 

He starts to relax again and his fingers stop twitching.

...

Jongin is wearing a pair of white silk boxers, a leather garter belt and a collar. His hair is slicked back. He is biting his finger again as he stares at the screen of his phone. 

Taemin and Chanyeol are encouraging him to go to the audition. Of course he had been overthinking everything to death, almost convincing himself it would be too much trouble and not worth it. Irene has been good to him for over three years now. 

His clothes are all washed out and his jewelry cheap. He spends most of his money on cigarettes and opium. Every other model there would look neat and have a stunning portfolio with professionally taken pictures ready. Jongin would not be able to keep up. He would drown between all these pristine looking boys. 

What if he is the only one with scars scattered across his back?

Chanyeol finally replies to his text. 

PCY: Everyone needs to start somewhere. They can’t expect you to have a perfect portfolio yet.

Jongin rolls his eyes, not maliciously. Chanyeol is naive regarding the fashion industry. A thorough portfolio is the bare minimum of what they expect. They do not care whether this is your first audition, they don’t care how much experience you do not have. Without a celebrity status all models are equally at disadvantage. 

Nini: But they do expect it. Just my body alone isn’t enough, but it’s all I have rn  
PCY: Listen we’re both good at photography. Let’s raid Tammy’s closet and get some nice pictures of you.  
Nini: I couldn’t ask this of you

“Kai, get on stage. Where are you?” 

Jongin sighs, getting up and hastily checking his makeup in the mirror. “I’m coming,” he shouts back, glancing at his phone one last time. 

PCY: I know, but I’m offering it anyway. It’s gonna be fun!! I haven’t done a shooting in so long!  
Nini: Ok fine  
Nini: and thank u  
PCY: Text me when you get home later  
Nini: It’s going to be like 4am  
PCY: ok, and? 

Jongin laughs to himself. Chanyeol is way too worried about him. He slips the phone into his bag and then jogs toward the stage, pushing curtains aside and taking his place on one of the poles. 

At some point Chanyeol and Taemin will realize that they do not want to be friends with Jongin. People do not want to befriend shambles. He would suck up all the affection he could get while it still lasted.

Because Jongin is starved of warmth.


	3. Warm

Jongin is surprised that when he texts Chanyeol in the middle of the night and the older boy is still awake. 

Nini: I’m done with my shift. Happy?   
PCY: Eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy  
Nini: You should be sleeping   
PCY: NO YOU SHOULD BE SLEEPING!  
Nini: I literally just got off work  
PCY: Should I pick you up? 

Jongin still has not changed into his street wear. He is sweaty, glitter is sticking to him and he smells of cheap perfume and hairspray. Jongin quickly drops Chanyeol a text that he does not have to bother. His flat is a twenty minutes walk away if he hurries. He is not scared of the dark, never has. Besides, he’s tall and stronger than he looks. He does not exactly work out and eating proper meals would probably help, but he has enough muscle to defend himself. 

Jongin looks at pole dancing videos on the internet. He envies them, because he knows he could do those amazing things too if his body just let him. He has tried some more advanced moves, but it always hurts his back. He had gotten so angry about it he had kicked the pole several times and sprained his ankle. 

Irene had not been happy that day. As she had every right to. Irenen has been very kind to Jongin. He always gets his fair share on money. He would not be struggling so much if he just stopped smoking and got rid of other habits. She insists on eating with him sometimes, to make sure he gets actual nutritious food into his stomach. 

Jongin texts Chanyeol a quick “I’ll be fine dw”, before he starts to take off the leather strapped around him. His tight underwear follows.

There are other strippers here, all of them having lost all shame regarding nudity a long time ago. Jongin pulled on a fresh pair of boxers, old jeans and a warm sweater. He pulls the sleeves over his hands and nuzzles his cheeks into them, not caring about his foundation wiping off on the fabric. Jongin likes feeling warm and fuzzy, it feels secure and it makes his life a little cozier. 

He picks up his phone again, throwing his bag and jacket over his arm. 

PCY: I took the car and it took me like 5 minutes   
Nini: What?   
PCY: I’m here to pick you up 

Jongin feels guilty. He is almost uncomfortable with how polite and helpful Chanyeol is. The two had talked like twice in the last three days, with Chanyeol occasionally checking up on him like he had done tonight. 

Jongin thinks Chanyeol really wants to be his friend, but it does not make any sense. Why would he want that? Chanyeol seems quite popular, he has a lot of good and funny friends. Maybe Chanyeol was just doing all of this because he finds Jongin pathetic and he has a hero complex. Or maybe he has sexual intentions. He wouldn’t be the first one. 

A lot of people had promised Jongin the world and then had tossed him aside after a couple of good fucks. He supposes he is easy, so really it is his own fault. He likes rough sex, he likes giving up control and getting fucked good, but he also likes being held and kissed and taken care of. 

That’s why Minho and Taemin still feel surreal. For a bit they had made him feel so precious. 

Jongin steps outside and indeed Chanyeol is waiting there. He has his large arms crossed and he is in sweatpants and his hair is slightly curly. His glasses make his eyes appear even bigger. Jongin does not like how his glasses cover his face and on top of that glasses don’t even suit him. He is just blind half of the day when he is not in the mood to put his contact lenses in. He leaves his glasses at home. Chanyeol though looks cute. 

“I live really close, you didn’t have to come,” Jongin says, trying to smile his guilt away. 

Chanyeol shrugs. “I live really close to, as you know. It’s no trouble at all. You finished your shift, I finished my project. Great timing.” 

If you keep walking to the left you get into Taemin’s neighborhood, all bougie and clean. And if you walk to the right you would at some point reach the building Jongin lives in. His flat is small, the electricity is shit and the walls probably need a paint job. Jongin had never gone to the left before Taemin and Minho happened. 

Jongin sleeping with someone he has met at the club he works in is rare. They had all lived further away and like an idiot Jongin would get into their car and dream of going home like this with someone every day.

“I did not want to bother you.” 

“You can’t bother me. Baekhyun and Bambam are the most annoying people I know, you don’t even come close. Come on, get in.” 

Jongin obliges, carefully getting into the passenger seat. Chanyeol has a normal car, a Toyota with a few scratches on the sides. Jongin had seen Taemin’s car, a big, fancy Audi. This is more comfortable. He still makes himself small, hugging his back tightly, his shoulders are raised and although he wants to, he tries not to stare at Chanyeol when he gets into the seat next to him. 

“Alright, where do you live.” 

Jongin swallows. He does not mind where he lives, but he suddenly feels dirty about it. “It’s really, really close. I could really just walk.” 

“Ah, will you stop it. You’re already in here.” 

Jongin does not know how to talk himself out of it. He inhales deeply. He could give Chanyeol a wrong address and then just walk from there. No, that was stupid and even more embarrassing if Chanyeol found out. 

“Am I overstepping my boundaries?” Chanyeol suddenly asks, looking extremely worried. “Or do you not want to go home?” 

Jongin still does not know how to reply. Chanyeol touches his arm for a moment but quickly withdraws, unsure if Jongin even likes being touched. 

Chanyeol knows he is too much for some people. Most people like him, but he is still loud and all over the place. 

“You know that I don’t expect anything in return from you, right?” Chanyeol says carefully. “I don’t do this so you owe me something. I just didn’t have anything better to do and I like you?” 

Chanyeol likes him. That does not make sense, they don’t know each other.

“Okay, how about you sleep over at our place, again? We wanted to do the photo shoot anyway, remember?” 

“I remember,” Jongin mumbles. 

Chanyeol is delighted at finally hearing Jongin respond. “You still up for that?” 

Jongin nods. 

“Is coming over also okay for you?” 

Jongin nods again. 

“Just borrow some of my, or Taemin’S clothes again,” Chanyeol says as he starts the car. “Taemin has more than enough.” 

...

They have a guest room. Chanyeol brings Jongin there and it is a pretty room. Jongin would have loved to sleep in Taemin’s bed again. The bed had been so big and comfortable, and most of all there had been a warm body holding him. 

Chanyeol bids him goodnight and suddenly Jongin is all alone. 

The first time he didn’t have to sleep alone had been when he had slept with Taemin. 

Jongin presses a hand to his temple. “No, no, no,” he mutters. “Don’t be stupid!” 

The bed looks horribly uninviting and cold. The walls are so unfamiliar, it feels as if they’re getting closer, ready to crush Jongin. 

He just wants another beating heart close to him. He needs someone to distract him, a soul as alive as Chanyeol’s. 

Jongin shakes his head. He can’t let his mind wander and fantasise, it always becomes too real and upsets him when it does not go his way. He knows he is spiralling. 

He is digging his finger nails into his arm, hoping the sting of it would snap him out of it. 

He wants to scream. What is the purpose of trying to control his thoughts if he could just go to Chanyeol’s room? He is just a few meters away. 

Jongin drops his stuff on the bed and leaves the room. 

He takes his shirt off with a swift movement, bare feet striding across polished parquet floor. 

He only has to knock on the door once, and Chanyeol’s sleepy voice is already telling him to come in. 

Chanyeol looks tired, he is wearing briefs and a hoodie and only one sock. He looks adorable, he looks sweet, he looks like fun. 

“Jongin, you okay? I didn’t forget to give you pyjamas, did I?” 

Chanyeol’s eyes wander over Jongin’s torso and down to his sharp hips. His pants are hanging so low. He looks too skinny, his eyes don’t stay still, and yet he is breath-taking. 

“You said you like me,” Jongin says, stepping closer. “Is that true?”

Chanyeol blinks, a little confused. “Uh, yeah, of course.” 

“Do you like this, too?” Jongin hooks a thumb into the waistband of his pants and pulls them down even further. 

He can see Chanyeol hold his breath for a little too long. Jongin places a hand on Chanyeol’s chest and pushes. 

He had used barely any of his strength, but Chanyeol is so dumbfounded he lets himself fall onto the bed and in a flash he has a lap full of Jongin and his gorgeous face so close to his.

There is something so stunning about holding a beautiful creature such as Jongin in his arms. There is this look in Jongin’s eyes, so eager and desperate, but shockingly not in a sexual way. 

Jongin presses himself against Chanyeol and grabs his hands, guiding them to his hips. Chanyeol allows him to manipulate Jongin’s pants down, slipping them over the subtle curve of his bottom and half way down his golden thighs. Chanyeol’s large hands feel warm, smooth skin.

“I look good, don’t I?” Jongin breathes, his lips tickling Chanyeol’s soft cheek. “I feel good too.” Please just love me, he begs silently.  
Jongin is trembling.

“Oh, Jongin,” Chanyeol croaks, slowly removing his hands, even though he would have loved to touch his thighs, palm his ass, anything. 

He lifts a hand and with gentle fingers brushes Jongin’s fringe behind his ear. “Y-you don’t want me?”

Jongin’s chest is heaving and his eyes look wet. 

“It’s not that,” Chanyeol promises.

“You’re rejecting me.” 

“No, no!” Chanyeol cups Jongin’s face. 

“You are though!”

“Jongin, listen to me.” 

Chanyeol’s hands are firm. He tries to make Jongin look at him, but the latter squeezes his eyes shut so he doesn’t have to. “Maybe one day we can do this. But not when you’re like this, not when you’re-“

“When I’m like what?” Jongin is almost shouting, attempting to climb off Chanyeol’s lap. 

Chanyeol does not let him. Jongin is strong, but not that strong. 

“You’re exhausted, unhinged, probably a little high. You’d regret this. I’m not the answer.”

Jongin’s face can barely hide his emotions. He is definitely shy and although there is something melancholic about him, he is cheerful. This right now does seem out of place, Chanyeol wishes he knew Jongin better, enough to know why Jongin thinks this is a good idea.

“You don’t want me,” Jongin repeats.

“I do.” Chanyeol sighs. He hoists Jongin off of him, pulls his pants back into place and gently lays him down on the bed.

Jongin looks utterly confused. And he feels scared because that is not the outcome he had imagined. 

Chanyeol is so warm next to him, he is broad and Jongin’s head finally slows down when thick arms loop around his body. 

“You want me to sleep here?” Jongin stutters out.

“Yes. And I know what you’re thinking, so let me assure you, I don’t mind.”

Jongin feels tension leave his body and he almost relaxes as he gingerly nuzzles his head against Chanyeol. 

“I just didn’t want to be alone,” Jongin admits in a whisper.

“You don’t need me to fuck you for that. I’ll prove it.” Chanyeol tightens his hug. He is determined. 

Jongin has nothing more to say about it so he closes his eyes, allowing exhaustion to take over and drifts off into sleep. 

...

“I swear this boy sleeps more than a hibernating bear,” Taemin says. 

“He’s cuddly like a bear cub,” Chanyeol sighs. 

Taemin raises an eyebrow. “Are bear cubs even cuddly? Aren’t they like wild animals that probably hate humans?”

“Stop raining on my parade.” 

Taemin snorts. It is almost 3pm and Chanyeol is getting ready to leave for university. Taemin has rehearsal in an hour. 

“I thought we’d have time to snap some pictures before I have to go to class,” Chanyeol says, frowning. “Is it more impolite to wake him up, or to just leave?”

Taemin just smiles at Chanyeol. Chanyeol has quickly learned that the more innocent Taemin looks, the more villainous his thoughts are. “Well, that’s your problem.” 

“Are you fine with just letting him stay here? I like the kid a lot but what if he steals?”

“Then I’ll replace it.”

“That’s not- ugh, rich people.”

Taemin shrugs. “I actually believe your average rich boy would lose their shit at a stripper stealing from them.”

Chanyeol sometimes really doesn’t know what to say to Taemin. 

“When you first moved in Baekhyun told me you might steal.”

“Why the hell would he say that?”

“I think he just thought it was funny. To be honest, it was kind of funny ‘cause I actually kept a close eye on my stuff for half a year.”

“Half a year?!” Chanyeol is screeching.

“Aren’t you getting late?”

He blinks at Taemin for a few seconds and then walks to his room with big strides. 

The apartment has two stories. Taemin basically inherits the entire upper floor, which includes his bedroom with balcony, a giant bathroom, a room just for clothes and a little lounge with two mini fridges that are never stocked. One time Chanyeol has found a cold brew coffee in there. Last year he had actually pulled the plug on the fridges and Taemin either still hasn’t noticed or doesn’t care.   
The ground floor has the big living room, the kitchen, the guest room, Chanyeol’s room plus a smaller bathroom and a kind of empty room where they had started putting the most random stuff, such as canvases and paint when Chanyeol thought he would have more time for painting, a bunch of video games, a rack full of winter coats and an ugly sex doll Baekhyun had gifted them as a joke. 

Chanyeol is about to knock on his bedroom door but then feels stupid about it, so he just quietly pushes it open, peeking inside to find Jongin still asleep. He slips into the dim room and goes to squat down beside the bed. 

Jongin isn’t shirtless anymore. He had started shivering at night and Chanyeol had made him wear a sweatshirt. It is too big on him, one shoulder and his collar bones are visible. 

Jongin’s skin looks like honey. It is soft to the touch, even though the skin is pulled tightly over bones and muscle. Chanyeol kind of wants to bite his glistening shoulder. Instead he reaches out to touch that very shoulder with his hand, shaking the sleeping beauty lightly. 

Jongin just grunts at first, keeping his eyes firmly shut. “Jongin, come on.”

Chanyeol shakes him a little stronger and Jongin whines, meekly trying to push Chanyeol off. “I gotta go.”

Jongin finally crack an eye open and Chanyeol stops shaking him, thumb affectingly rubbing small circles into that glorious skin. Jongin’s hair is tousled and sticks up in every direction and the shadows under his eyes are deep. He still manages to look so unbelievably good. 

“Where you goin?” Jongin asks, voice raspy from sleep.

“You slept half the day away. I have classes.”

Jongin covers Chanyeol’s hand with his own. “Do you have to?” 

“Well, yeah.”

Jongin pouts at him and Chanyeol wants to apologise and crawl into bed with him and cuddle until Jongin is satisfied with the affection and attention he’s receiving.

“Is Taemin home?”

“For now. But he has to go to work soon.”

“Oh. I should head home then.”

“Actually...” Chanyeol clears his throat, scratching the back of his neck. “That is totally up to you, but I only have two lectures. So if you want to tag along, that’s fine by me. We can get some nice pictures there too.”

“Right! We wanted to take pictures. You should have woken me up. I’m really sorry. I don’t want to impose... more than I already have.” 

Chanyeol knows he is referring to last night. “Stay like this for a second,” Chanyeol says and jumps up, drawing back the curtains and letting natural sunlight in. 

Jongin whines at the sudden light for a moment, but then basks in the few warm rays of sun warming his skin. It is cold outside, but this is nice.

Chanyeol hurries to get his camera out of his closet and quickly turns it on. He also switches on the phone flashlight and holds it at an uncomfortable angle for his arm, before snapping a picture of Jongin. 

He is lying on his side, pillowing his pretty face on his arms, his eyes are hooded and his lips plush and shiny. 

The picture looks stunning, it looks natural and delicate and intimate. The picture only reveals Jongin’s face, some of his messy hair and the smooth shoulder and collarbones that Chanyeol had appreciated earlier. 

Chanyeol turns the camera around to show it to Jongin. Jongin sits up. “You’re so talented!”

“Honestly, your face makes the picture.”

“My dashing features contribute, that’s true.” 

The way Jongin mischievously smiles up at Chanyeol is cute and a little unsettling. It is the first time Jongin is joking a little bit, it makes Chanyeol happy that he is getting more comfortable by the second. 

“But I literally just woke up. It is skill to make someone look good on pictures, you know.” 

Chanyeol is beaming. “Let me do two more.”

Jongin actually laughs and agrees. “Again, stay like that please.”

Chanyeol takes a couple of steps back from the bed Jongin is throning on. The sweater is hanging off of him perfectly. Even the way Jongin sits is pretty.

“Okay, try another position.”

Jongin falls back into the pillows and gives Chanyeol a playful look. Chanyeol quickly takes another shot. It is the first picture in which Jongin smiles. He looks careless, spread out on the sheets and all fluffy between pillows and blanket. 

To Chanyeol’s surprise Jongin is getting off the bed and lies down on the floor instead, directly under the window. Illuminated by the sun he looks even more golden. He arches his back, runs hands through his hair, runs hands down his torso. Chanyeol takes more than one picture. 

Jongin’s expression changes when he leaps across the room to Chanyeol’s side, peering over his shoulder to gaze at his pictures. Chanyeol looks between the picture on the camera and the Jongin right next to him. His face looks the same, but the aura is so different; in the pictures he is untouchable and celestial. Chanyeol is in awe. 

“I like them. They look warm, but also so cool,” Jongin tells Chanyeol.

Chanyeol wants to scream that they look fucking hot but refrains. “I’m already twenty minutes late, might as well just go to the second lecture,” he sighs. 

“I’ll come with you! I’ve never been to a university.”

“Wait, really? How?”

Chanyeol realises too late how insensitive he sounded. Of course Jongin had never been to a university. Taemin had mentioned that Jongin had not even finished school. It makes him wonder how long Jongin had just been floating through life without any progress or goals. 

“I mean- I’ve been working since I was a teenager. I was eighteen w- when I started at the club.”

Jongin looks ashamed and Chanyeol immediately nudges his chin to cheer him up. “That’s cool though. Until now I’ve only ever worked part time jobs. Taemin is pretty much paying for this apartment on his own.” 

Jongin’s eyes widened with surprise. “Oh yeah, his family is like loaded, right?”

Chanyeol nods and puts the camera on his desk. “Alright, get ready so we can go.” 

Jongin looks around the room, uncertain of what exactly to do now. He only has his clothes from last night. Is Chanyeol okay with him using his shower, or should he ask Taemin? Jongin nervously starts rubbing his thumb and middle finger together. 

“Shit, hold on a second.” Chanyeol slaps his own forehead with a giant hand and quickly gets Jongin a towel from his closet. “Just use my shower stuff. I have this three in one shampoo Taemin hates. And there are packaged spare toothbrushes under the sink and I’ll get you some clothes too.”

Jongin’s shoulders relax and he gives Chanyeol a smile. “Thanks. At this point I’ll be wearing your clothes more than mine.”

Jongin takes the few steps to the door and then looks over his shoulder. “Wanna join me in the shower?” He just bursts into laughter when he sees Chanyeol’s face fall and the next moment he’s gone. 

Chanyeol and Jongin walk to the university by foot. It is twenty minutes away and Jongin says he likes how air smells between fall and winter. 

Chanyeol’s brown hair is stuffed into a beanie and he is wearing a thick scarf and black coat. He looks very cozy and soft with his cheeks dusted pink from the cold. 

“Your dumbo ears are sticking out when you wear hats.”

Chanyeol’s hands automatically fly up to cover his ears. 

“No, I like it! It’s cute.” 

Jongin likes that everything about Chanyeol seems to be bigger. His hands, his shoulders, his eyes and ears, he’s taller too and his arms a lot longer and stronger. Something about that makes Jongin want to curl up against him. 

Jongin is currently drowning in one of Chanyeol’s hoodies and coats, he feels like a burrito. 

Chanyeol takes big steps. Jongin would be able to keep up easily, if he wasn’t so distracted by everything around him. He loves trees with few leaves, and the leaves they still have are turning brown. The exposed branches make them look majestic. He likes watching people scurry past them in a hurry. He also stops to look at every dog and pet them it they were close enough and the owner allowed it. 

“What year are you in?” Jongin asks, only a few minutes away from campus.

Their conversation has been easy and calm. Chanyeol had explained his latest project to Jongin. Jongin hadn’t gotten everything but he had tried, so Chanyeol doesn’t mind. Jongin had told him about his job, too.   
Most days he is just dancing and giving costumers lap dances or a private show. He tells Chanyeol how it can actually be fun, especially because they are not allowed to touch him unless he agrees to it, which is basically never.   
He had slept with some of them because he just really likes sex, and if they just use him, he still finds joy in it. Taemin and Minho though had been something else, overwhelming and hard or soft in just the right moments. Jongin really does not know if they will let him, but if they do he wants to stick around, regardless of the sex. Now that he had gotten a taste of what friendship can feel like, he wants to keep them and Chanyeol close. 

“Third year,” Chanyeol replies proudly, “So it’ll be over soon.”

“You don’t like it?”

“Oh no, I do! It’s a great course and the school is great, too. But I feel like I’m just ready to do more, make something of myself. I do some bar tending and live music at a bar nearby for some extra cash, but my mom still transfers money to me.”

“How old are you?”

“Twenty-five. I uh, first started doing music but I changed course to photography after two weeks. And after two semesters I dropped out and then I met Taemin.”

“Meeting Taemin seems like a lucky thing to happen to us.”

“Only if he likes you. I’ve seen him turn people’s lives into hell. To be honest, they deserved it though.”

...

Barely anyone bats an eye when Jongin just quietly sits in the lecture next to Chanyeol, trying to focus on the difference between designing a film set and an actual room for people to live in.

Only a few people look at Chanyeol, half of them because they greet Chanyeol with happy smiles on their faces and Jongin introduces himself quickly. The other half glances at him and then look away, and then peak at him another time. Jongin knows it is because he’s pretty. He has doubted many things over the years, but his handsome face and godly proportions have never been a point of insecurity. What is hard and stressful is preserving that look.

After the class Chanyeol says he wants to say hi to his friends from another course and maybe get some lunch before they start taking pictures. 

They meet them in a Starbucks off campus. Chanyeol introduces Jongin to Taehyung and Sehun. “They do fashion journalism,” Chanyeol explains, when they’re all sitting at a table in a corner of the Café with drinks in front of them. Taehyung has gotten himself a strawberry cream Frappuccino and is now happily spooning up the whipped cream and eating that first before he even takes a sip of the drink. 

Jongin’s eyes light up with interest. “That sounds amazing.”

“I love writing and I love fashion, this is perfect for me,” Taehyung says dreamily. 

Taehyung has something aloof about him. He’s lovely and has an adorable smile Jongin really likes. He’s one of those rare people where meeting their eyes is not a challenge for Jongin. 

Sehun is the opposite of Taehyung. He appears cold and bored and Jongin is uncomfortable looking at him for too long, but the things Sehun says don’t match that exterior. He actually talks animatedly and laughs a lot. 

“Taehyung has all that passion, but I just went for fashion journalism because I thought it was easy,” Sehun sighs, stirring his coffee, “I was wrong, and my parents wanted me to go to a fancy exclusive university.” 

“So what are you doing, Jongin?” Taehyung asks. 

“He wants to start out as a model!” Chanyeol says quickly, way too loudly, making some heads turn. 

“I mean you got the face for it,” Sehun says approvingly. “But are you photogenic?” 

“I think so,” Jongin replies. “Fashion and makeup actually mean a lot to me. So uhh, what exactly do you do in fashion journalism? Is it about magazines and blogs?”

“Yeah, sometimes!” Taehyung seems to be as enthusiastic about this as Jongin. 

Chanyeol leans back in his chair and sips his coffee, just listening. He’s glad Jongin isn’t clamming up. Taehyung is capable of making friends with literally anyone anyway.

“We do write a lot of articles, but the contents of them vary. But that’s so wonderful about it, we get to professionally talk about very different aspects of fashion. We critique a lot too, about designers and collections and we talk a lot about trends. Today we had to hand in an assignment about fast fashion and I ripped the shit into H&M and Zara.” 

Jongin looks expectedly at Sehun. He almost regrets it because he does not want to force him to speak, but to his surprise Sehun breaks into a small smile. “My piece was about Vivienne Westwood.”

“I read that she’s very anti fast fashion.”

“Exactly. Sustainability is the most important to her. You can be classy and innovative without shopping each week. Quality over quantity.” 

“So is Taemin’s closet like your enemy?” Chanyeol inquires.

“Ah, not really. Maybe. Not sure.” Taehyung frowns. “He has a lot of custom made stuff and clothes from luxury brands. Most of these don’t have as much cruelty behind them because it’s not really mass production. It’s also not like you should never ever go to Top Shop again. But you gotta be aware.” 

Jongin’s eyes are sparkling and he clearly wants to know more. Chanyeol doesn’t think they have the time right now. Maybe next week. 

“I was wondering if we could use the studio in the fashion department for pictures for Jongin’s portfolio,” Chanyeol says. 

“Oh definitely!” Taehyung exclaims brightly. 

“We also got some designs and props for him to wear actually,” Sehun adds. “Besides, the design students are always more than happy to get pictures of their clothes on a model for free.” 

... 

Jongin is starting to trust Chanyeol. He thinks it is foolish, but Chanyeol does not seem to want to exploit him at all. Indeed he just wants to be nice and do Jongin a favour.

Jongin can tell how genuine Chanyeol is. Jongin doesn’t think Chanyeol can even lie well if he tried. 

Jongin’s two room apartment is shabby and he had not wanted Chanyeol to see.   
Chanyeol reassures him a dozen times that he is not going to judge, and so Chanyeol ends up driving Jongin there. 

They had spent two hours in the studio and Chanyeol had already emailed the pictures to Sehun, who would forward them to the fashion design students who had agreed to them using their work. It is not only models who need a portfolio. 

They had taken a few pictures outside as well and in the car. Chanyeol’s favourite is one where Jongin has his long legs pulled up on the passenger seat, arms wrapped around them and cheek resting on his knees. He had given the camera a lazy and somehow erotic gaze. 

Chanyeol learns that Jongin is actually kind of hilarious. His humour is dry and sarcastic, and yet he seems to find almost everything someone else says funny. He keeps laughing at Chanyeol. Especially when Chanyeol furrows his brows, it appears to be pure comedy to Jongin. 

“Let’s take a last one on these stairs. You look neat, but the background is...”

“Shabby?”

“The stairs look used and dirty, it just contrast well. Damn, I wish we had high heels for you.”

Jongin struts to the stairs, planting a foot on the second step and leaning forward, smirking at Chanyeol. “Would you like that? Seeing me in heels in some dirty neighbourhood?”

Chanyeol splutters and Jongin laughs again. His entire face breaks into joy when he laughs, and therefore Chanyeol is not even mad about it. 

Jongin raises his arms to the sky, the last sun rays of the day meekly shimmering onto his face and hands. His- Chanyeol’s- coat flares open with the movements. Jongin seems to be soaking up the warmth of the sun, limbs drawn to it. He twirls around and lifts a leg, he looks like a dancer in strobe lights. Just more tame and realistic. 

“The natural light turned out fantastic,” Chanyeol says, excited. “I’ll pick the best ones and send them to you.” 

There is an awkward moment of clarity that Chanyeol will leave him now. It makes sense, he’s just dropping him off, this is Jongin’s home after all. But his neighbours are creepy, this one teenager won’t stop creeping outside his windows and the heater is kind always of broken. 

Chanyeol is so warm and Jongin’s life feels cold. He doesn’t want to go back there. He can’t ask to stay at Taemin’s, that would be pathetic and imposing. 

He feels it simmering in his chest, fear and panic. 

He knows once he’s inside, once he so much as touches his bed, he will spiral into his hateful emotions. They are dark like his apartment, the thought alone makes him want to bathe in the warmth Taemin and Chanyeol’s home had provided him. 

Chanyeol can tell Jongin is not comfortable. His shoulders are drawn up and tense, he plays with his fingers and looks to the ground. 

This is ridiculous, he decides. Something about Jongin just makes him feel so protective. “Grab some of your stuff and then let’s go home, huh? I’ve got left over pasta and you haven’t properly eaten all day.”

Gratitude washes over Jongin and he tries not to burst into tears. “You don’t have to,” he says.   
His voice is shaking more than he had attended. There is nothing he wants more, but he does not want to be an intruder either.

“I know. I’m doing it anyway. I swear I’ll be right here when you come back outside.”

Jongin nods and sprints up the stairs, unlocks the door and sprints some more.   
He has one large bag and he pushes clothes, underwear and some makeup into it. He also brings his toiletries and phone charger. He leaves the oxycodone pills and morphine in the bedside drawer.

...

SHINee had started out as a tiny, independent brand, founded by Kibum. Hard work and a lot of luck had raised the label into popularity and financial success. Making money with fashion is hard, even big names such as Zac Posen and Yohji Yamamoto can go bankrupt. Sometimes an artistic vision costs more than it sells for. Sometimes a designer would rather create what they love instead of catering to the customer, which can either flourish or be fatal. 

A lot of their clothes are Avant-garde on the runway and then get re-designed into street wear, both can be purchased by whoever has the money. Currently Bambam is the designer for SHINee and Kibum the creative director and CEO. Kibum is still very involved in the design process and a few of his designs find themselves in the collection without Bambam’s input. Five years ago Kibum had started his own little branch within SHINee called S-Key, where he drops one collection each year, which is presented in a different city every time. 

Kibum had found Bambam online through his instagram, where he had posted makeup looks and tutorials and self-made clothes. Putting oneself out there does have its benefits. 

Kibum and Bambam are sitting on a white table in the middle of the hall, Tao and Jessica beside them. Tao has been modeling for Kibum since he had been sixteen and Jessica is one of their most loyal clients

There were around a hundred models and Kibum had dismissed at least half of them at first glance. They had not been what he is looking for. The rest is allowed to show their portfolio. 

There is a clothing rack pushed against the wall with a five samples of last year's collection, there is Baekhyun pacing and a photographer. 

Kibum is bored by most of these models, they all look the same, it is as if they’re scared of sticking out. Most of them had their pictures professionally taken, but these too are boring and generic. The few that he is impressed by get to show off their walk. 

Baekhyun and Kibum give each other a small smile when Jongin steps into the middle of the room. Kibum had been anticipating him. He is handsome and has almost perfect features, and yet there is something unique about him. His nose is a little wide, but cute, his lips full and eyes deep. His body looks sharp and is full of lines, but his shoulders and cheeks are round and soft. 

“That’s the boy you wanted me to look at?” Bambam asks Kibum. 

“Indeed.” He had told Bambam to look at Jongin not only for his own collection, but as a model for SHINee in general. He is something fresh, a new breeze. 

“Imagine the crazy makeup he could pull off,” Bambam says, licking his lips. 

Jongin introduces himself and hands them his portfolio. Kibum can tell that he is nervous, his eyes seem wild. But he speaks with confidence and keeps his shoulders back and spine straight. Attaboy, Kibum thinks, mentally petting Jongin on the shoulder for remembering his advice. 

They spread out the photographs and his card on the table surface, which contains his age, height and weight. 

Tao has his arms crossed as he glances at the pictures. “They’re amateur taken.” 

“Yeah, a friend took them. I wouldn’t be able to afford a professional photo session.”

“Didn’t ask for your life story. That’s your personal problem, not ours,” Tao says coolly, not looking up. 

“But the pictures turned out pretty good,” Jessica remarks. “It’s about how a model can present themselves, and he’s doing it well. This gets me hooked on seeing more, don’t you think?” 

Tao nods slowly. “But he should have come prepared.” 

Kibum sighs and Tao leans back in his chair. At the end of the day it is Kibum who has the last word. 

“Let’s see you walk,” Kibum commands.

Jongin does. He feels every pair of eyes in the room on him. It feels good. He is used to people staring, especially considering what he does for a living. Only this time he does not need to take his clothes off to get their attention. Now the only thing he needs from them is respect and trust. He can do this. He can break down and over analyze their facial expressions and reactions later. Now he just has to walk. He knows how to control his body well. He always knows what he looks like on the outside. He keeps his face and posture relaxed and yet remains arrogant and elegant. He has that look in his eyes that tells everyone he is better than everyone else. It is not what he thinks, it is what he brings across.

Afterwards Bambam asks him to change out of his shirt and put on some clothes from the rack. A translucent blouse and a violet coat with silver and bright blue stitching. “Let’s do that again,” Kibum says and Jongin again walks across the room, and back to the table. 

“That was good. You’ll hear back from us.” 

...


	4. Fit

“I don’t like cake,” Jongin says, half apologetic half irritated, glaring at the plate Chanyeol holds out to him. 

Taemin had brought small cakes from the patisserie on his way back from work. It’s Jongin’s sixth day in a row staying over. It is a Sunday. Only Taemin had left the building today. It’s late evening and he is exhausted, muscles aching. He thought he deserved a treat; an unhealthy, chocolaty, strawberry treat with whipped cream. 

“Who doesn’t like cake?” Taemin asks, arching an eyebrow, his cheeks round and stuffed.  
Jongin smiles. He looks cute like this, a childish aura that Jongin noticed cling to him at times.

“Well, what do you like?” Chanyeol says, taking the kiwi egg tart for him and shoving the entire thing in his mouth. 

Jongin and Taemin look at him with big eyes as he chews thrice and swallows. 

“What that mouth do,” Taemin mutters to himself, impaling a strawberry with his fork. 

Taemin hadn't showered yet, his stage makeup is a little smudged and cold sweat is making the tips of his hair cling to the side of his face and nape. Chanyeol has buried himself in a giant sweater. Jongin wonders how someone so big could look so small. Jongin would drown in a sweater like that, he kind of wants to wear it too now. 

“I like fried chicken,” Jongin declares.

Chanyeol grabs a coffee éclaire. He meets Taemin’s judgmental face and immediately feels challenged. He manages to get the entire pastry into his mouth in one go. 

“I like jokbal,” Taemin comments.

“So you don’t like any sweet stuff at all, or just cake?” Chanyeol munches, wiping the corner of his mouth with the napkin Jongin holds out for him. 

“I like tiramisu and caramel syrup in latte.” 

Taemin squints at him. “You look like a caramel latte.” 

“That’s- thanks.” 

Taemin nods appreciatively, nibbling at another strawberry. 

He rolls his eyes when the doorbell rings, getting up with a groan he goes to the door, presses the button to let whoever in and then opens the door, letting it stand open by itself as he shuffles back to the table to finish his food. 

A minute later Baekhyun comes rushing in like a tornado, leaving behind a mess of two kicked off shoes, a hat on the sofa, the jacket draped over the armchair, his bag in the middle of the living room on the floor. “Guess what!” he says, pulling his scarf off and throwing it at Jongin. 

The scarf never makes it remotely near Jongin, but that piece of clothing too is disregarded by Baekhyun as he steps closer and nudges the scarf aside with his socked foot. 

“You’re not supposed to know yet, but- Are you gonna eat that?” 

Before Chanyeol has the chance to reply Baekhyun reaches for the last cake (lemon). Chanyeol would have eaten that, so he sulks watching Baekhyun cut it into small pieces. 

“What is it?” Taemin says. 

“You look horrible, dear. Take a shower. Now, Jongin, Nini boy, honey boy, my sweet summer child-“ 

“I’m born in January.” 

“-I have news for you.” Baekhyun shrugs. “Well, not really, but kind of. I can’t say anything for certain, but Kibum really likes you and you’ll definitely walk in Tokyo.” 

Jongin feels ecstatic. His high of getting praised at the audition had ebbed after a day and after not receiving any calls, he had assumed they’d reject him. “Really?!” 

Baekhyun nods, his white smile shines brightly as he pets Jongin’s cheek. “I joke about everything but work, love. So trust me. Now get ready for the real news, although nothing is confirmed yet. So don’t be too upset if it doesn’t happen.” 

Baekhyun leans closer for dramatic effect. “Depending on how much they like you and how well you do from now on, they’re thinking about offering you a contract.” 

Jongin gasps and Chanyeol slaps his shoulder so hard it hurts. “Awesome dude!” Chanyeol shouts while Taemin just smiles fondly. 

“Keep it together, Park,” Baekhyun says. “Bambam just mentioned it. He could change his mind, or maybe you’re not as good as they presume. Or maybe you just fit into the Tokyo show, but not into our house. But going purely on looks and attitude, you have good chances.” Baekhyun winks. “Convince Kibum, and you convince everyone.” 

Jongin is still shocked. He can’t remember the last time he had thought about realistic dreams. In his head he is always dreaming and making up illogical scenarios. They’re always related to dancing, to being on the stage. Now that he thinks about it a runway is kind of like a stage. 

“Don’t get your hopes up,” Baekhyun warns, “but for the moment Bambam is taken with you, so know how serious this is.”

Jongin is not sure how to feel, he does feel a little scared though. Hope is a dangerous thing and he won’t fall for it again. It would hurt more now than ever.

“They’ll call tomorrow.” Baekhyun smirks and pops a piece of his food into his mouth. “Just wanted to let you know. Anything good for dinner?” 

“I’m taking a shower for dinner,” Taemin sighs.

He kisses Jongin’s head, tells him he’s proud of him and then goes upstairs. 

“Maybe we could order in,” Chanyeol suggests, feeling too lazy to cook. “Fried chicken?” 

Jongin’s eyes light up and Baekhyun agrees to the choice of food. 

...

Jongin receives a call from SHINee on his way to work. On the other end of the line a boy introduces himself as Jimin, who congratulates Jongin and tells him to come to the headquarters at 9am this Friday. 

Jongin is dressed up in tight latex pants and a glittery, cropped jacket when he approaches Irene. He has thrown a zip hoodie over it all to keep him warm and worn out slippers in his feed. 

“Noona,” Jongin begins, nervously. 

His eyes are darting around the room, trying to find something to look at that are not Irene’s piercing eyes without seeming too impolite. 

Irene has known him for a long time, therefor she knows how hard he tries to be polite during a conversation, even though he sometimes barely manages to lift his head. Irene thinks that he only unfolds on a stage. It’s where he can forget about his worries and just enjoy himself.

“Sit,” she says softly, pointing at the chair next to her on the bar. 

He does, elbows on the bar counter. He thoughtfully bites the knuckle of his thumb. That is until Irene scolds him and tells him to face her. He again does what she commands. 

“You can talk to me about anything,” Irene says, pushing Jongin’s hair back and out of his face. 

“Wendy, I’m using this,” she says loudly, pointing at a makeup bag on the counter. 

“Sure,” Wendy agrees in passing, her blonde hair bouncing.  
She is wrapped in a pink silk gown, carrying red high heels backstage. 

Irene begins applying powder to Jongin’s face. Jongin does not like many layers of makeup and most of the time foundation seems unnecessary. That would be the kind of makeup for special occasion, but today is just another day and over half of the pigs coming in and out of the club would not appreciate the art of makeup anyway. 

Jongin knows makeup is not meant just to impress other people, it is also something just for him. But it is hard for him to see it as anything but a waste. He might be pretty, but everything inside him and his surroundings seem so rotten. 

“I got a model job,” he mumbles as Irene brushes his cheeks with a blinding highlighter. 

“Okay.” 

“I’ll keep working here though! I still need money. And there is a big chance all this won’t work out.”

Irene smiles a little. “I went from your only choice to becoming a last resort.” 

“I- it’s not like that.” 

“Hush, I know. Don’t worry.” 

She tilts his chin up, gently putting golden glitter on his eye lids. “If you go it’ll be a loss, but don’t think I’m mad. My other strippers would jump on every opportunity to get out of here. You’re too sweet.”

“Because you’re good to us.”

“It doesn't matter how well I treat you.” 

...

Jongin has never made a film evening with friends. He has watched movies with people before, but not more than one, not that cozy, not without anxiety rushing through him that he might burden them with his presence. There are two things he is undoubtedly confident in and that are sex and his charming face. While watching a movie with ‘friends’ he could use neither, which meant he is useless and a waste of space and he hates feeling like that. 

He does not feel like that now. Chanyeol is sitting in between Taemin and Jongin. Taemin is curled up, his head resting on Chanyeol’s thick thigh as he’s dozing off. Jongin is not sure if he is fully asleep since he sometimes opens his eyes just a little bit and his fingers twitch, tapping against Chanyeol’s leg every few minutes.  
Chanyeol had pulled Jongin closer, making him lean his head against wide shoulders. “I’m really comfy and you can see the screen better,” he had explained. 

At first Jongin had felt a little uncomfortable, feeling like an intruder and that Chanyeol is only doing this so he doesn’t feel left out. But if they did not want him near them, they wouldn’t let him live here in the first place, right? Contemplating that he missed half an hour of John Wick. Taemin had still been awake then, noticing Jongin’s uneasiness.  
He had held his hand for a several moments, allowing the knots in Jongin’s chest to loosen. 

Jongin is now comfortably nuzzled against Chanyeol’s broad and warm frame, watching Guardians of the Galaxy and also watching Taemin breathe, which is oddly calming. 

“Jongin,” Chanyeol speaks up, after gushing over Groot being the nicest plant-based character in existence.  
Jongin thinks the Bellsprout Pokémon is more iconic, but Chanyeol is very intense about Marvel characters and he refuses to even consider changing his mind. 

“Hm?” Jongin asks, starting to get sleepy as well. 

“You should live with us,” Chanyeol says. “Forever I mean. Well, not forever, that sounds dramatic. But I mean move in for real.”

Jongin automatically shakes his head. “You don’t know me,” he says.  
What he means is that they will get sick of him the more they will see him.

“You’re basically here all the time anyway.” 

“I’m sorry. I can sleep at my place again, if you want.” 

“That’s the opposite of what I want.”

Chanyeol looks at Jongin like a teacher who is disappointed at the student not understanding the math problem.  
Chanyeol has watched Jongin. You don’t have to be a genius to figure out how badly Jongin needs people, how much he treasures human interaction. The longer he is alone, the worse he gets.  
Chanyeol and Taemin have also checked out the neighborhood Jongin lives in and had deemed it unsafe. The place is full of jungkies and violence. Jongin is tough on the outside, but his insides are cracked, being exposed to nothing but the gritty streets and hungry eyes and hands on him all night.

“If you don't like the guest room you can sleep with me every night.” Chanyeol knows these are big words and maybe he is promising too much, but he wants Jongin to know they will be there for him. Jongin does not seem to grasp that Chanyeol is not faking his affection. 

“What if it turns out you don’t like me after all. In a month maybe,” Jongin says. “Or next year.” 

“Well. That’d be next month, or next year.” 

Chanyeol had picked Jongin up from the club several times and he had seen too many creepy men there, it worries him. Even if their friendship with Jongin is not meant to last, that does not mean he is fodder for the streets. Jongin is high after work sometimes, Chanyeol can always tell. He had heard him whisper to Taemin that sometimes he remembers that he is dancing in what feels the wrong place and he needs a high to get through his routine. At least that is how it had started. The other reason is the reoccurring pain in his spine. He can’t dance with everything aching, so it makes sense to dull it all down. 

“You don’t have to answer right away.” Chanyeol squeezes Jongin’s arm. “A new start, hm? New home, new job, you could even try getting sober?” 

Jongin suddenly jerks his head away from Chanyeol’s shoulder. “You want me to move in to keep an eye on me?”

“Not just that-“

“You’re not my mom, what makes you think you can control me?” 

“What? Jongin no, I didn't mean it like that.” 

Jongin pushes further away from Chanyeol like he is infectious. “You can’t shape me, it’s a little too late for that. So I only qualify to be with you guys once I’m all clean, no rotten neighborhood, no rotten job, no rotten me?” 

Jongin feels bad the second the words have left his mouth. He had not meant to snap at Chanyeol, but he couldn’t help himself. Embarrassed he jumps up and flees to the guest room. 

“Well done,” Chanyeol hears Taemin mumble, who slowly sits up, yawning. 

“I didn’t mean to upset him.” 

“Just be careful with what you say. He’ll get there, but for now be careful.” 

Controlling Jongin is the last thing they want. They want him to stand on his own two feet, with or without them. Of course Chanyeol knows how it can come across. He sighs, pushes Taemin completely off of him and follows Jongin. 

He carefully knocks on the door before opening it. Jongin is sitting on the edge of his bed, legs drawn up, chin on his knees. “I’m sorry,” Jongin immediately says, not looking at Chanyeol. 

There are moments in which random thoughts just hit him. It is astounding how a simple thought has the power to reduce Jongin into a helpless, crying boy who forgets himself. It doesn't feel as bad today.

“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t wanna make you feel like you’re some kind of project. I don’t want you to do well to feed my ego, or because I want to make myself feel better. I just care for you a lot.” 

“That doesn’t make any sense. We’ve known each other for a month, maybe less.” 

“So?” Chanyeol shrugs and sits next to Jongin. “Making friends does not have a speed limit. Are we too pushy?”

Jongin shakes his head. “No, I like it. I mean...” Jongin inhales deeply, bracing himself for his own words. Taemin always encourages him to speak his mind. Even Irene says there is nothing wrong with asking for things sometimes. “I can’t remember anyone taking care of me the way you guys do and it just- it just doesn’t make any sense to me. I don’t want to start depending on you and then suddenly...” 

“Oh.” Chanyeol gently brushes a knuckle over Jongin’s arm. “Hey. We wouldn’t just drop you. We wouldn’t do that to anyone. And I hope you get that model job for yourself, so you can be independent, free from needing the club or us. Only you can save yourself. Stay like this if you’re happy with it.”

...

The following night Jongin is sporting pink lingerie with frills, golden glitter in his hair and eyelids. He's sensual today, kitten-ish sweet, throwing winks left and right, wriggling his butt invitingly to Demi Lovato’s Daddy Issues playing in the background. He had worn a sweater with a bear on it too, but had long disregarded it, leaving him in his panties and stockings. He looks like the ultimate baby boy, jumped out of a wet dream. 

Chanyeol stares. That’s fine, he supposes, everyone is. Jongin is dancing on stage, it’s not weird to look and appreciate his body, or rather how the white stockings hug his smooth thighs. Chanyeol glances at Taemin, Minho and Baekhyun who start laughing. 

“What?” Chanyeol frowns. 

“Pick your jaw off the floor, honey,” Baekhyun says, grinning.

“Heart eyes,” Minho bellows and slaps Chanyeol’s shoulder. 

Minho is loud like Chanyeol and the only person he knows who is probably strong enough to throw him across the room.  
The force of Minho’s hit causes Chanyeol to lose balance for a moment. 

“I think it’s cute,” Taemin says, still smiling with his face in his hands, as he goes back to watching Jongin dance. 

“I think Yeollie has a daddy kink,” Baekhyun says. 

“Definitely,” Minho agrees, “but what if it’s not just the outfit, but rather Jongin who is in it?” 

“Will you get hard if I start calling you daddy?” Baekhyun asks and just laughs when Chanyeol starts arguing. 

“Guys, bully Chanyeol later,” Taemin says, “look at him dance. It’s so pretty. He never talks much about dancing, don’t you think that’s odd?” 

It appears to be a hypothetical question, since Taemin does not seem to care for an answer.

Chanyeol sighs. He knows he isn’t going to forget Jongin’s bambi eyes, the pink frills and his long legs in stockings any time soon.

...

Jongin loves sleeping in. Something Taemin and Chanyeol noticed very quickly. He would sleep the whole day away if nobody woke him up, which is why Chanyeol is surprised to see Jongin looming over his bed, fingers touching Chanyeol’s arm. “Are you up?” Jongin asks. 

He looks excited, but also nervous. He is dressed in a sweater and simple jeans. 

“I am now,” Chanyeol mutters, blinking. 

The room is still half dark. He glances at his phone, it’s seven in the morning. “What the fuck, Jongin.” 

“I’m sorry.” Jongin looks a little guilty, but he’s smiling and he looks a little bit like he had in the club a day ago. Chanyeol swallows. 

“It’s my first day of work today,” Jongin says, eyes gleaming. 

“Oh shit! I forgot!” Chanyeol finally gets his tired face to smile. 

He reaches out to get a hold of Jongin’s hands and pulls. Jongin tumbles, falling forward and onto the mattress. 

“You’re gonna break my spine,” Jongin whines, wriggling in Chanyeol's arms. 

“You’re way too early, sleep for another hour. Since when have you been up?” 

“I didn’t sleep.” 

“Okay, we’re definitely sleeping for another hour.” Chanyeol blindly reaches for his phone on the nightstand and sets an alarm for 8am. 

When Chanyeol looks back at Jongin the younger boy had already closed his eyes. He had his legs drawn up, his hands in loose fists close to his mouth in a fetal position. He is so pretty, with the morning sun tickling his dyed hair. Jongin’s eyes can be dull during the day, or he looks just a little too thin, a little too sad, a little too tired. But like this he is glowing beautifully, at peace and so, so warm. 

Chanyeol kind of wants to kiss his head, the way Taemin tends to do. The difference is that Taemin does that to a lot of people all the time, so it is not that weird. Well, not weirder than anything Taemin does in general. It would be a little odd if Chanyeol starts doing that, especially if he only does it to Jongin. Nobody’s here, but Jongin is probably still awake and would also find it odd. Chanyeol settles for pulling him a little closer and tugging Jongin’s head under his chin.

...

Jongin is surprised to see Bambam next to Kibum. Bambam is not involved in the S-Key collection. He is sitting on a table and just doing his work on a tablet, glancing up to watch the fitting for a minute before going back to his work. 

Jongin swallows his anxiety down. He can worry afterwards, right now he has to do well and he has to have a perfect exterior to do so. He has been sober for the last couple of days, although he smokes more to keep his nerves in check. Kibum does not have a problem with smoking, but the first thing he makes clear are his rules which include maintaining their looks and weight until the show is over, because “I casted you like this, if you change it won’t be the person I casted and you will be replaced. Hundreds of models want your job.”  
The next rule is punctuality, you can’t come too late, or miss a fitting, or any rehearsals. The last thing he mentions are drugs. “I want people walking for me, not zombies.” 

There are a few models that walk Kibum’s show every year, that also have a contract with SHINee. Their latest addition is Jung Hoseok who had joined them last year. He has a unique kind of allure; A slim frame, expressive face, beautiful hands, provocative and yet blessed with the brightest of smiles. 

Jongin tries to stop comparing himself to these exclusive, experienced models. There are rookies among them, but Jongin pays them no mind. He had always measured himself with the best. 

Tao is a lot nicer to him today than he had been at the audition. Then again, Tao might have already forgotten his “bad” portfolio. He smiles, shaking his hand. “Nice to see you made it,” he says. 

There is a table of fruits and crackers and sparkling water on a long table and couches. A couple of models are trying on clothes and Kibum is discussing makeup ideas on them, Bambam throwing in a comment from time to time. 

The models that are not currently busy are waiting. There is a lot of waiting around, waiting to be called, waiting to get the makeup done, standing there while they rearranged each fold in a dress and pin it up to perfection. Jongin is not bored though, he is intrigued. 

He sits next to Tao, who comfortably puts his elbows on the backrest of the couch, crossing his legs. His black hair is slicked back and he’s wearing grey contact lenses and diamonds in his ears. 

“That’s Taekwoon,” Tao introduces the other official SHINee models. “He goes by Leo.” 

Taekwoon gives Jongin a nod of acknowledgment before going back to eating the cut up pieces of fruits on his plate. He does not smile, but his overall facial expression is kind.  
Jongin vaguely remembers seeing his face somewhere before on the internet. 

The next person that introduces himself Jongin has definitely seen before, many times. On magazines, on runway videos, billboards, ads, movie cameos. Kim Seokjin - or better known by his mononym Jin - reaches out to politely shake his hand and Hoseok next to him does the same. 

“There are rumors going around that you’ll be joining us,” the last model says, smirking at Jongin. 

It is not an arrogant smirk, it is more on the flirtatious and friendly side. “I’m Johnny by the way.” 

Jongin smiles back and Johnny looks at Tao. “You didn’t say he’s so cute. You said interesting. Do you know how negative the word interesting sounds?”

Tao rolls his eyes. “I meant it in a good way. His face is rare and recognizable.” 

“They’ll work with his jawline and lips for sure,” Jin says. “I’m no longer the only person blessed with gorgeous lips in this group.” 

“I have pretty lips,” Tao says.  
Johnny too looks a little pouty. 

“Hm yeah, but have you seen my lips?” Jin said, blowing Tao a kiss. 

“Actually,” Jongin says quietly, “nothing’s really confirmed yet. About me working here I mean.” 

He has his hands in his lap. He laces his fingers together, to suppress his urge to bite his knuckles. 

“I like you!” Hoseok says. “I’ll put a good word in for you.” 

“Thank you.” 

A boy with with pink hair in a leather jacket comes over with a tablet under his arm. He has several earrings and his shoes are slightly heeled. Jongin has noticed him sticking close to Baekhyun at all times. 

Right now Baekhyun and a woman, who Jongin learns is called Krystal, are examining a coat on a model. 

The pink-haired boy is something like Baekhyun’s assistant, an intern a year younger than Jongin. 

“Jongin, Hoseok, your turn.”

They get up, making their way over to the little group. 

“Maybe with a belt,” Baekhyun suggests, just as they’re stepping closer. 

“But I don’t want to present it with a belt,” Kibum argues. “Alright, get him into the burgundy outfit with the translucent plastic jacket. It suited him better. Ah, Jimin, thank you for bringing them over. Now be a darling and get me more coffee.” 

Jimin scurries off and Kibum gives Hoseok a quick scan, looking him up and down. “I want Hobi to finish the show with the suit with the collar. And try the other outfit on Jongin instead. He has good proportions for coats and his face structure might make it look more elegant as well.”

They strip out of their clothes and suddenly find themselves looking like completely different people. It makes Jongin feel lavish. The coat has wide shoulders and there are black ropes winding themselves on the shoulder and running down the fabric, giving it a melted look. The coat is heavy and big, Jongin prays it doesn’t look clumsy on him. With the coat come a pair of leather trousers and a sparkly velvet shirt that reminds Jongin of a Greek chiton. “That works,” Kibum approves. “White heels, white eyeliner. The rest of the makeup should be the standard brown smokey eyes I suppose that we do for everyone. Bambam, what do you think of a nude lipstick?”

Bambam looks up from his tablet, raising a perfect eyebrow. Baekhyun is pulling on the shoulder pats of the coat, straightening them up to sit perfectly on Jongin’s shoulders for optimal demonstration of the fit. 

“Fix his hair first. It looks horribly washed out and patchy. Just dye black over it. Until the show we might bleach it into a warmer brown, but this, honey-“ Bambam scoffs. “You could have Aphrodite’s face herself, but nobody would notice with that hair. Looks moldy, not classy.”

“Maybe dark blue,” Krystal says. “More interesting then blacks and you won’t have to bother with bleaching it brown after?”

“What’s the problem with black hair?” Baekhyun asks. 

“Over 80% of my models have black hair,” Kibum says, “and Jongin’s outfit it pretty grim. A hair colour than stands out from the outfit without over shadowing it might be the answer.”

Bambam nods slowly, looking back down on his Tablett. “Nude lipstick sounds good. Decide on gloss after you’ve got your collection together though, they should either all go matt or all go gloss.”

Kibum does not respond, his attention back on Hoseok. 

Jongin thinks the man looks amazing in the wide, dark grey suit, a pattern of finely stitched snakes out of shimmering thread decorate almost all of the left side of the suit. With the outfit come silver shoes, a metal snake collar that transgresses from fabric to winding itself around Hoseok’s slender neck and up to his head like a tiara. 

“I don’t like the shoes, i’d say the pointed black loafers,” Baekhyun thinks out loud. 

“Let’s do it,” Kibum says. 

For the next half an hour Baekhyun and Krystal pin the outfits into place with Jimin’s help, making it an ideal fit for Jongin and Hoseok’s body. 

Hoseok has very thin limbs, everything about him is very delicate. It suits him. 

When Jongin eats he knows he has good proportions, there is a reason people look at him, there is a reason people want him. But he feels a little scrawny. His shoulders are wide, but bony, long legs with barely any thigh and knobby knees. The coat fit well enough and had been taken off during the process. 

“We need to tighten the pants at the back,” Baekhyun mumbles with two fixing pins between his teeth. “Like really tighten. The hips are pretty wide but the waist is slender as fuck. We need to take a chunk of fabric out. So either that, or we’re giving him a whole other pair of trousers.”

Kibum frowns. “No, I want that exact outfit combination.” He does a circular motion with his index finger. “Switch.” 

Baekhyun groans whereas Krystal is already taking needles out of Hoseok’s suit. They swap their outfits and this time Krystal seems displeased. “But aren’t Hoseok’s shoulders too slim for the coat? I liked Jongin’s build and skin better with it.”

“Let’s re-think Jongin’s makeup,” Kibum says, not looking at Krystal, “and I guess we need Hoseok in boots with heels of at least 5 inches. Jimin, note that down.”

Jongin glances into the mirror. The silver parts of his new outfit are gleaming, Jongin likes the subtle sparkle of it. 

Jongin feels exhibited, very similar to when he dances at the club, but somehow this is more painless. Maybe he truly can impress with something other than sex, although his erotic appeal is definitely helping. 

Fifteen minutes later Jongin is back in his own clothes. “Stick around in case we swap another outfit or need you to walk a second one,” Kibum says. 

“Leo is walking twice too,” Baekhyun adds. 

Kibum sighs. “I’ll have to change the line up anyway. Also, Jongin.” He crooks a finger, urging him closer.  
He lowers his voice slightly, making it a private conversation between the two of them. “Jimin will send you the details for a hairdresser appointment. Otherwise I want you to maintain your look until after the show. However in case of you continuously working with us, I want you to gain weight, but do it healthily. We have different keto diet plans for models, depending on what we need. When you stretch I can almost see under your rip cage.” 

Jongin nods slowly. He knows Kibum is attempting to help, and he wasn’t even being mean, it still makes Jongin feel less attractive than he had felt minutes ago, especially in comparison to Hoseok who wears his bone structure so well. 

“Don’t make that face,” Kibum says. “I’ll try to look out for you from now on. Now, I also want you to know that you’re free to go to auditions from other companies and houses, I want you to further your career and get a few jobs under your belt. Show me you can survive this industry.”

Jongin nods along, focusing on Kibum’s left cheek so he doesn’t have to look directly at him.  
He barely noticed Baekhyun joining them. “You need more experience in general,” Baekhyun says, a lot softer than Kibum. “Better pictures, commitment and the right connections. Kibum doesn’t play favorites, but luckily you have me. I’ll talk to some people I know and get you into some castings. I might call up one or two photographers I know who could help as well.”

“Bambam and I would be interested in stimulating your potential. That’s all,” Kibum says and turns on his heel, getting back to work on another dark-haired model and Johnny. 

“That’s his way of expressing that he believes in your success,” Baekhyun grins, elbowing Jongin’s arm, who gives him a genuine smile in return. 

... 

The next day Baekhyun sends Jongin two new contacts, telling him they’ll make time for Jongin, but Jongin has to call them himself. It freaks him out a little, but he wants to better himself, wants to get on the same level as the other models. Otherwise he won’t stand a chance and he’ll end up being a day fly. 

Jongin is sitting at the kitchen counter with Chanyeol and Taemin, eating hot oatmeal Chanyeol had made with pieces of chocolate in it and blueberries. 

Chanyeol is scrolling through instagram going through the account of one of the named photographers. “That’s like a kid, bro,” he says. “Who calls himself Ten?”

“The number?” Taemin asks. “I think that’s cute. What’s the other one’s name again?” 

“Kim Jonghyun?” Jongin says, squishing his blueberries under his spoon. 

“Oh my God,” Taemin screeches, grabbing Chanyeol’s arm who startles and drops his phone into his meal. 

“Tammy, gross!” Chanyeol whines. 

Taemin ignores him. “I remember he used to give me singing lessons when I was younger. Starting out in photography is pretty hard, especially when you’re not part of a label. So he got himself through by vocal coaching.” 

“You can sing?” Chanyeol questions. 

“Of course. Like a nightingale. Or siren maybe, my seduction game is on point.” 

Jongin winks at him and Taemin acts flustered. “Okay, guys, we’re getting off track,” Chanyeol says.

“Sorry, uhm, are you still in contact with him?” Jongin asks. 

“We meet up for coffee now and then. He might not even charge you.” Taemin shrugs. “He doesn’t usually do anything for free anymore, not after he started working for bigger magazines and stuff. I can be very convincing though.” 

“Whatcha gonna do?” Chanyeol asks, “display ur singing seduction game?” 

Taemin huffs. “Of course not. I don’t have to. I’m just naturally adorable and people don’t like denying me things. Unless people are Kibum. From all the people Jinki hyung could have married, he chose someone who doesn’t fall for my innocent act.” 

“I don’t fall for that either,” Chanyeol says.

“For real, you literally fucked me on the day you first saw me,” Jongin adds. 

Taemin looks confused for a moment before he just continues eating. 

“I can’t tell,” Chanyeol says, “if Taemin is really aware or really unaware. Anyway, gotta go catch a lecture. Jongin, you wanna come?” 

Jongin beams at him, but then furrows his brows. He does like being alone and he’s socializing a lot more than he’s used to. Then again, Chanyeol’s presence really does not make him feel stressed out and maybe he’d get to see Sehun or Taehyung again. “Would love to,” Jongin eventually decides.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of crammed this chapter last night, because I don’t think I’ll have time to write anything next week. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it


	5. Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to update this story!! Ahhhh! I was busy with university and then the whole Christmas and New Years craze happened.

Chanyeol only has one lecture today. He drops Jongin off at the library where Sehun is already waiting with another boy. The boy has a shaved head, thick brows and a blinding smile. He waves at Chanyeol and then at Jongin, although with a moment of minimal hesitation. Taehyung apparently had skipped out on university today.

“Hey, guys,” Chanyeol says. “I gotta run. But Jongin, that’s Kyungsoo. Soo, that’s Jongin, our new flatmate.”

“Oh, nice to meet you,” Kyungsoo says, voice deep and warm. 

Jongin likes him. The boy looks soft with his too big coat and thick rimmed glasses. He looks different from Chanyeol’s handsome, fun face, different from Taemin or Irene’s ethereal beauty, and he is not broad and overwhelming like Minho. Jongin is amused at how he seems to be unable to place Kyungsoo anywhere in his category of people. Kyungsoo also does not look like someone who would dance in a club, or one of the models Jongin is meeting these days. Even Sehun looks like a model, even though he isn’t. Kyungsoo is refreshing. 

While Chanyeol is suffering through class Jongin helps Sehun with one of his projects. 

“You’re not studying fashion journalism?” Jongin asks curiously as he starts sharpening Sehun’s pencils for no reason. 

“Nah, I don’t have an eye for fashion,” Kyungsoo says. “I just wear clothes because it’s cold outside, and ‘cause it’s hygienic. I think? Sehun, are clothes or nudity more hygienic?”

“Just clean your asshole and dick and you can do whatever nasty you want.” 

Kyungsoo rolls up the thin book he’s been reading and hits Sehun on the head several times. 

“Useless,” he scolds the younger, unrolling the book again before he tries to relocate where he had stopped reading. 

“I’m a theater student,” Kyungsoo explains, “with a main focus on acting and lighting.” He raises his book so that Jongin can read the title. 

“Macbeth?”

“Yeah, I’m playing his role. It’s interesting, but he’s such a loser.”

“Lady Macbeth would be a lot sexier, don’t you think?”

“Definitely.”

“That’s such a generic play to pick. What did you guys do last year? Hamlet? Or super creative, Romeo and Juliet perhaps?” 

Sehun smiles at Jongin’s light teasing, he does not seem as nervous as the last time he had met him. 

“Well,” Kyungsoo says, raising an eyebrow at Jongin, “personally, I voted for doing a Christopher Marlowe or John Webster.”

“I loved The Massacre at Paris. Anyway, I feel like you’re too cute to play Macbeth.”

“Jongin,” Sehun whines, “quit flirting and help me come up with a conclusion.”

Jongin snorts, peering at Sehun’s laptop screen. “You haven’t even written half of your assignment. What kind of essay are you going for?” 

Jongin is laughing and Sehun pushes his bottom lip out, crossing his arm. “It’s an article!”

“That makes it worse! Do you want to focus on Olivier Rousteing as an art director, or is this about the general Balmain style?”

“More on Rousteing.” 

“Then the introduction is too long. Too much Decarnin.”

“As you pointed out I haven’t finished writing it yet.”

“Stop defending yourself and take the advice,” Kyungsoo mumbles, writing down little ideas and lines they would scratch or change from the original play. “Now stop cock blocking.” 

“Am I really cock blocking?” Sehun squeaks, making annoyed heads on other tables turn. “That’s not who I am, Soo, how dare you accuse me of such a thing,” he says in a much lower whisper. 

“My,” Jongin drawls, a smirk stretching out his plump lips. “Are you interested?”

Kyungsoo narrows his eyes. “Maybe.” 

Kyungsoo and Jongin exchange some promising looks and Sehun starts snapping his fingers. “Come on guys, focus.”

.

For the next hour Jongin has his head on Sehun’s shoulder, pointing out little errors in his writing and discussing some Balmain designs.

“By the way, what’s your major? You seem like a smart kid?” Kyungsoo asks.

Jongin is shifting in his chair, making Sehun frown when he distances himself. 

“Chanyeol says he’s a model,” Sehun says, frowning slightly. 

“Yeah, I’m not studying anything. I wouldn’t have the money and I have really bad memory.” 

Sometimes Jongin thinks he can’t be what people consider as ‘normal’ or ‘appropriate’. He can’t see himself being a regular student, to him it sounds so absurd and far away. His emotions had gotten the better of him at a crucial moment when he had been young, and since then university had just been an idiotic dream. 

He does enjoy hanging out with the students, he likes flipping through Sehun’s reading and talking to Kyungsoo, but he couldn’t do what they do. 

“How’d you meet Chanyeol?”

“Slept with Taemin,” Jongin says, giving Kyungsoo a suggestive eyebrow raise.

Kyungsoo laughs “I’m not surprised. I mean that in the best way possible, he’s great in bed.”

“You’d know,” Sehun chides. 

Kyungsoo looks Sehun dead in the eye. “I do indeed.”

“So you guys are butt bros,” Sehun observes. “Taemin had his dick in both of your butts.”

“He didn’t have his dick in my butt, Sehun.” Kyungsoo smiles at Jongin. “Anyway, so modelling, huh? Sounds cool, but fucked up.”

“There are worse things.” Jongin shrugs and smiles too. 

He is not sure how to feel about talking about himself. Usually he can talk easily, in fact he's learned to be a master of small talk, he can flirt and entrance, he can be whatever other people desire. However, he falters once things get real, when something feels true he feels inadequate. He can put on a show, because he’s beautiful and knows how to speak. His exterior is his biggest shield, anything underneath is too weak to be seen. He guesses he is doing better with Chanyeol and Taemin now, since they had seen more than he had shown to anyone in years. 

“Dude,” Sehun says. “You okay?”

Jongin shakes himself. “Yeah. Sorry, just spaced out.” 

“You seem to do that a lot.” 

“I- yeah, I suppose.” 

Sehun does not realize he has hit a sore spot. Jongin has struggled all his life with people getting irritated by the fact that he spaces out. They think he doesn’t listen, but he really always tries to pay attention.

“Are you mad?” Jongin asks, so quietly, Sehun wouldn't have caught it if the two weren’t sitting so close. 

“What? No, why would I be?” 

Jongin feels that feeling bubbling up again, constricting his chest. “No reason,” he pipes, shrinking into himself. 

Kyungsoo clears his throat. “Jongin, do you have a favorite Shakespeare play?”

Jongin is taken aback by the sudden question. “I’m... not sure. Twelfth Night maybe.” 

“Wonderful, wanna tell me about it until Chanyeol shows up? Do you think the play is more forward thinking and in favor of feminism, or was that just coincidence and this modern generation interprets it that way?”

Jongin smiles meekly but sincerely and he gently tells Kyungsoo about why he likes the play and thinks that the original intention is only important for historical context, but not for his own personal interpretation and that he doesn’t really give a shit about what Shakespeare used to think. 

.

Chanyeol joins them only a few minutes later, flopping down on the free chair and pulling out his tablet. “I hate everything.”

“Congratz, so like any student ever,” Kyungsoo says, propping his cheek on his hands, elbows on the table. 

“You don’t hate everything,” Chanyeol says, almost sulks. 

“Soo just chooses his words wisely,” Sehun says. “And hate is a really strong and overused word.”

“I hate you. Guys! Did Jongin tell you about his new job?!” 

Chanyeol’s mood is brightening by the second. His friends have that affect on him, they make him less tired and lectures a lot less irritating, since he had something to look forward to. 

“Like a new model job?” Sehun asks. 

Jongin sheepishly looks down at his own hands, scratching at one of his knuckles with his short nail. 

“He’s going to walk for Kibum!” Chanyeol says, proudly grinning at Jongin and nudging his knee against Jongin’s, who flinches.

He usually welcomes Chanyeol's touch, but he startles when he doesn’t see it coming. He doesn't want Chanyeol to think he doesn’t like it, or make Chanyeol think he has done something wrong, so he shakily reaches for Chanyeol’s hand to squeeze it. 

Kyungsoo has no idea what Chanyeol is talking about and Sehun seems outraged for some reason. 

“You can’t just reveal that!” Sehun whispers, pointing his tablet pen at his friend accusingly. “This is some top secret shit. The list for S-Key hasn’t been revealed yet!” 

“What list?” 

“You’re so ignorant to Fashion! It’s like you dropped a huge movie spoiler. The models are revealed two weeks before the show and after the show it’s revealed whether some of them are staying with SHINee.”

Chanyeol grins at Jongin again. “Jongin is probably gonna stay with SHINee.” 

“Oh my God!” Sehun groans, letting his head drop to the surface of the table. “Stop telling me these things. This information is too powerful.” He lifts his head again and then gives Jongin a small smile. “But congratulations. That’s actually amazing for you. When you’re rich and famous don’t forget about me.” 

Jongin returns the smile and holds Chanyeol’s hand just a little bit tighter. “I wouldn’t,” Jongin says very quietly.

.

Taemin and Jonghyun are giggling about something, their faces only inches apart, when Jongin enters the studio. 

Taemin is dressed in skinny jeans and a striped shirt, a Chanel jacket draped over his slim shoulders. Jonghyun is wearing sweats, a pink t-shirt and a black blazer. He has golden glasses and a few golden studs in his ears. Jongin’s first impression is that he looks very friendly with his pink hair and kind smile.

“Aw, there he is,” Taemin says happily, waving Jongin closer and pulling him down into a hug. “Hyung, that’s Jongin, Jongin that’s Jonghyun.” 

Jonghyun shakes Jongin’s hand. “Hi, I’ll be photographer and creative director of this shoot. Pictures really don’t do you justice, Jongin. I hope I can change that.” 

“I’m very grateful.” 

Jongin hesitates. Jonghyun either doesn’t notice, or is polite enough to ignore it. He starts showing Jongin around the studio. “My team will arrive shortly. We’ll do some normal headshots, they’re a must for your portfolio. Overall though, I’m planning on three different set ups with two different stylings each. It’s a small shoot though, since I’m doing this for free.” 

“You are?” Jongin splutters. 

Jonghyun puts his hands on his hips. “Taemin told me a little bit about your situation and I don’t mind doing an old friend a favor.” He winks at Taemin.

“How can I thank you?” Jongin breathes out. 

“By following my instructions today. Really, don’t worry, this is going to be fun. Now, I don’t want this to look like a series of pictures. I want to show variety, We’ll do something elegant, then something more natural and commercial, and then something where you can look a bit arrogant and bad boy. Depending on how well this all works out, we can add a little beauty editorial. Won’t take long, maybe two looks. Let’s see.” 

Jonghyun shows him the outfits he had in mind. As he is explaining some of his ideas and holding a red velvet shirt up to Jongin’s torso, the rest of the team arrives. 

The stylist introduces herself as Jennie Kim and takes over, re-arranging the different pieces of clothing into outfits for Jongin. The makeup artist is called Minseok and he immediately starts touching Jongin’s hair and then sits him down in a chair to get to work. 

“We will do a really neat, slicked back look to hide your horrible hair dye job and show off your face. I’ll highlight your cheekbones and jawline and deep eyes. Then we’ll go for a really messy look that will also hide the patchy as fuck hair. Jonghyun, what the fuck, why is his hair like that, look what you make me work with. Anyway, I’ll make your skin nice and dewy, maybe some blush or even freckles. Gotta show different sides of you, yeah? Close your eyes, I gotta cleanse your face.” 

. 

Things happen in a blur for Jongin. Minseok is pulling on his hair, cutting the tips and forcing it into something presentable. His face feels scrubbed and raw at first, but then a toner and moisturizers are applied and then a soft cream, layers of makeup follow. For a moment Jongin thinks he is going to end up looking like a clown, Minseok is layering on and on, but when he sees himself in the mirror he looks beautiful and perfect and honestly not that different from how he usually walks around. Now he looks more dramatic, more defined and healthy. Jongin likes makeup, but he never gets his eyebrows right and right now they look neat and perfect. He should look like this all the time.

“Wow,” Jongin marvels. 

“I know right,” Minseok says. “Now take your clothes off. Jennie, let me see the first look.” 

Jennie shows him the ruffled, purple shirt, a pair of latex pants and Gucci trainers. “I got a purple jacket with that too, but I don’t want him to put it on.” 

Minseok nods. “Okay, then I won’t add any more makeup to his body for now. What’s the next look?”

“The next one is very covered too. But for the new setting You’ll see his arms and one of his knees.” 

“Good to know.” 

Jonghyun observes Jongin transforming into something ethereal while he animatedly chats with Taemin. Jennie adds dangling pearl earrings and several pearl and silver necklaces and rings before she sends Jongin off. 

That’s how four hours pass, Jongin gets dressed up a dozen times, Minseok re-touches or changes his makeup and hair, Jonghyun moves around a lot and so does Jongin. He changes his poses continuously, never staying still. He moves slowly but fluidly, giving Jonghyun many options and opportunities for great shots. Jongin is shy at first, but after some re-assuring looks from Taemin and praise from Jonghyun, Jongin grows into his role, grows into these unnatural clothes and heavy feeling on his face. He doesn’t think of typical model poses, or magazine covers, he simply moves and throughout the shoot posing is no longer unfamiliar. 

At some point Jongin ends up on the floor, sensually stretching out over a furry carpet, long limbs arranging themselves elegantly. He arches his back, he pulls his legs closer, he stretches them out again, his hands touch his face and clothes.

.

It is as if Jongin had run on autopilot. However, once he had gotten out of the car and is back in Taemin’s apartment it hits him. 

He’s so overwhelmed with the hectic shoot he had just gone through. It had been fun and terrifying, did he embarrass himself? Or worse, did he embarrass Taemin? Maybe Jonghyun was bored the entire time and disappointed. 

Taemin sees how tense his friend suddenly is and gently combs his hands through Jongin’s hair. “Hey, there. Stop thinking so much, you did really well.”

“But was it good enough?”

“I think so. He was really pleased. Hyung takes his work very seriously and he was thrilled to have you, I promise. Would you feel better if we look at the pictures?” 

A grinning Jonghyun had haded Jongin a USB stick with all the pictures and had bid them goodbye with a big smooth to Taemin’s mouth who had laughed and playfully snapped his jaw at him. 

Jongin shakes his head. “I don’t think I deserve this.” 

“Deserve what?” 

“So much help.” 

“Shut up.” Taemin pulls Jongin’s coat off. 

He proceeds to sit him down at the dining table and take his shoes off as well, before he stands and kisses Jongin’s head. “You’re too sweet, Jongin-ni, way too sweet.” 

Jongin cannot even pinpoint why it happens, when tears gather in his eyes. 

More things had happened in his life these past few weeks, than had happened in the last years. The amount of kindness these people showed him could not be real or without motive. 

He had done nothing good to deserve a second chance at life, especially if that second chance is served to him on a silver platter. He needs to give something in return, he needs to show how much he owes Taemin. But he has nothing at all. 

“I’m really not,” Jongin says, voice hoarse. 

He has nothing, all he can offer is himself. He knows this. 

Jongin reaches up to take Taemin’s face in his hands and pull him down for a kiss. 

Taemin kisses him back at first, happily sticking his tongue into his mouth and letting himself be pulled into Jongin’s lap.

After a few moments though Taemin feels that something about this make out feels utterly wrong. Jongin is too desperate, and not in the loving, desirable way. Jongin isn’t into it and yet he is giving too much.

Taemin pulls away, finger tips tracing the features of Jongin’s pretty face, eyes flicking down to his red lips before looking into his eyes again. 

Jongin swallows and looks away, staring at Taemin’s neck, too afraid to see anything in Taemin’s eyes. 

“Don’t do this,” Taemin says gently. 

“What do you meant? 

“I’m giving you things because I want you to be happy. I’m giving you opportunities because I think you truly deserve it. This was never intended as an exchange. If you want to sleep with me because you want to - like the first night I met you - that’s fine. But don’t fuck me because I bought you a nice shirt or introduced you to a photographer.” 

Taemin is not angry, he does feel a little insulted though. Jongin moves his hands from Taemin’s hips, lopping his arms around him and pulling him closer into a warm hug, his face nuzzled into Taemin’s neck. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles against pale skin. 

Taemin sighs, returning the hug, small hands patting over Jongin’s hair affectionately. “It’s alright. Talk to me, please.” 

“Other people work so much and hard. What did I ever do to own my place up there with models like Kim Seokjin? I only met people that tolerate me because Chanyeol allowed me to. I’ve never achieved anything.” 

Now Taemin is angry. But not at Jongin, he just feels angry in general. He tightens their hug, pressing closer, like a protective blanket Jongin could hide under. 

“‘Oh, Nini,” Taemin says. “Kibum wouldn’t have picked you if you didn’t deserve to work for him. Think, Nini. Fashion houses or model agencies scout people all the time, and now it just happens to be you. It doesn’t matter if Kibum met you here, or somewhere in the streets. Jin was scouted in his parents’ restaurant where he was a waiter. You’re as lucky and deserving as anyone. Besides, the fashion industry is all about connections and I’m glad I could offer them to you. Now. The way you met Sehun and the others is only natural, one meets people through people, and you deserve those friends. They don’t just tolerate you because Chanyeol likes you, they genuinely like you too. Was texting Kyungsoo the other day and he really likes you for who you are.”

Taemin kisses Jongin’s forehead again before getting off his lap and pulling Jongin up with him. “Do you feel better?” 

“A little.” 

“Let’s eat something, it’ll cheer you up.”

.

Jongin is in a good mood again the next day. 

He had watched some variety shows with Taemin last night, and eventually Chanyeol had joined them with bowls of steaming, delicious stew. With every minute that passed he calmed down more and he felt more like himself again, the weird feeling eventually lifting off his chest. 

Jongin had asked Taemin if they were okay and Taemin confirmed that nothing between them had changed. 

Jongin had slept in Chanyeol’s bed again. 

He doesn’t have classes today and Jongin only has to be at the SHINee headquarters in the afternoon. No ringing alarm rips Jongin out of his sleep and he wakes up warm and rested, engulfed by firm, thick arms. 

Jongin doesn't want to open his eyes, he is too comfortable to move at all. He feels Chanyeol’s chest rise and fall, he could imagine the older boy’s heartbeat against his nose. 

Jongin loves that Chanyeol is so big and cuddly, he is like a giant teddy bear that helps Jongin sleep. Jongin is pretty tall himself, but he can feel small in Chanyeol’s arms. 

Chanyeol is paler than him, he has a bigger head and face, longer legs, he’s more clumsy and his voice louder and when he holds Jongin’s hands, his palms are so much larger. 

He can feel those large hands on his back, soothingly moving up and down.

“Are you up?” Chanyeol asks.

Jongin smiles but then pouts, keeping his eyes closed. “Yeah, but I don’t wanna move.” 

Chanyeol chuckles. Jongin can feel his chest ramble with it. He also feels Chanyeol loosen his grip. He wants to get up, but Jongin really doesn’t want him to, so he wraps his slim legs around him, keeping him close.

“But I’m hungry,” Chanyeol complains, although he gives up trying to get up.

“Rub my back again, that was nice,” Jongin demands softly.

Chanyeol fulfills his wish happily. Jongin doesn’t see his face, but Chanyeol‘a smile is so wide. Jongin is so cute and sleepy. Jongin doesn’t really have any cheeks to pinch, but Chanyeol wants to anyway.

“Put your hands under my shirt,” Jongin whines. “They’re so warm.” 

Jongin practically purrs when Chanyeol once again does as commanded. 

Jongin is dozing off again, but Chanyeol is wide awake. 

To Jongin it might just be a comforting touch, Chanyeol on the other hand uses the opportunity to really feel the lines of Jongin’s thin body. 

Jongin feels so delicate under him. His waist dips in a little too much, the dent irrationally scares Chanyeol that he might accidentally break Jongin. He can feel his ribs under smooth skin, he can feel pointy shoulder plates and when his hand wanders lower there is a subtle curve that would lead to Jongin’s cute, small bum. Chanyeol doesn’t dare touch it, but he’s so close to it and he knows one of the cheeks would fill his palm perfectly. 

Chanyeol isn't sure if he should have these thoughts. He can’t help himself though, Jongin is so adorable and sexy at the same time, with his full lips slightly parted, his fluttering lashes and his toned legs around him. 

Chanyeol is painfully aware of Jongin's crotch pressing against his abdomen. He can’t feel much, but he remember how Jongin had felt like, grinding up against him hard and aroused, he remembers his hot, willing mouth. He wants Jongin’s mouth on other parts of his body, and not just his lips or neck. 

The image of Jongin in lingerie and glittery makeup still hasn’t left Chanyeol’s mind, he could still vividly see Jongin swirling around the pole and slowly humping the stage and into his own hands. Jongin had crawled over to a female guest in the club and he had looked so coy, biting his lip and looking small and heavenly. 

Chanyeol is getting a little uncomfortable in his pants because Jongin is still pressed so close and his hands are still moving over smooth, gorgeous skin. 

“Shit,” Chanyeol mumbles and eventually wrestles himself free from Jongin’s koala hug. 

He looks back at a sleeping Jongin curling up in himself in white blankets. Fuck, he looks too good in the morning sun.

Chanyeol quickly goes to the bathroom to take a shower. He kind of wants to jerk off but decides against it, turning the water to cold for a minute before stepping out of the shower again. 

“Get it together, Park,” Chanyeol says to his own reflection as he brushes his teeth. 

. 

Chanyeol has his face inside the fridge picking out ingredients for a simple stir fry because he had skipped lunch. He could also save some for later when Taemin and Jongin would get home from work, and Jongin could get something into his stomach before he has to go to the club. 

“Chanyeol?” 

Chanyeol almost drops the carrots. 

He puts them on the cutting board on the counter and closes the fridge. 

Jongin is standing on the other side of the counter, dressed to go out in a coat, bag hanging over his arm. 

He’s fidgeting, nails scratching his palm. Jongin notices that Chanyeol noticed and quickly stuffs his hands into his coat pockets. 

“What’s up?”

“I just-“ Jongin bites his lip.

His eyes are moving quickly across the kitchen and over Chanyeol, never really settling. “I just wanted to ask something.” 

“Go ahead.” Chanyeol smiles and turns his body to properly face Jongin. He wants to let the younger know he has his full attention. 

“I don’t bother you, do I?” 

Chanyeol furrows his brows. “What? Of course not.” 

“I mean it’s your room, your bed. I don’t want to invite myself and make you uncomfortable.” 

“I’m the one that invited you though. I really like sleeping with you, you’re nice to snuggle.”

“Are you sure?” 

“Definitely. And you said you don’t sleep well alone.” 

“I mean yeah, but that’s my personal problem. It shouldn’t be your burden.” 

Chanyeol rounds the counter and takes Jongin’s hand. His fingers are so pretty in Chanyeol’s hands, he lets himself stare for a second before he kisses Jongin’s scratched knuckles. “You’re not a burden and the bed is big enough. What brought this on?” 

Jongin lowers his gaze, although he doesn’t withdraw his hands. “I thought we were fine and you were being really cute this morning, but then you left so fast. I thought maybe I overstepped boundaries.” 

“Oh. You were still awake.” 

Jongin nods. 

“I promise it wasn’t your fault. I was just hungry.” 

“Okay.” 

Chanyeol kisses Jongin’s hands again, who giggles and pulls them away.

“Stop it,” Jongin smirks and stands on his tip toes to kiss Chanyeol’s round cheek. 

“See you later, hyung.” 

Chanyeol watches Jongin leave the apartment, dumbstruck and heart beating frantically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what u think ☺️ And happy 2020, guys!


	6. Tokyo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s been a while since I’ve updated this story, so this chapter is extra long!!

Jongin has never left Korea before. If he had stayed with his family, maybe he would have gone on vacations overseas, he would have been a successful dancer he could have gone to London or Moscow, instead he had hid himself away in dark allies in Seoul almost all of his life. He had met people, pleased people, from all over the world. He had lived through the stories they had told him. 

He knows Paris isn’t as pretty as people say and the metro smells bad, he knows there is a cute passage full of Cafés and chocolate stores in Brussels and that the hotel his client had stayed in had an elevator fully made out of glass, he knows about how busy people are in London, how rude they are in Düsseldorf and Berlin, he dreams of the skyscrapers in Singapore and Shanghai that he thought he would never see. He had always lived through the little snippets clients had shared with him.

Jongin keeps biting his cheek and knuckles to will his anxiety and excitement down as he’s packing for Tokyo. 

He feels ridiculous, like in a dream. He wouldn’t know what to do with himself if he ever woke up. His own apartment used to be his shelter, a safe place. He had only gone back there once, and it had been cold and uninviting. Too often he had curled up in a corner of that very room, waiting out episodes of panic, too often had a rough stranger taken him on his bed, soiling the sheets. Now that Jongin doesn't need the apartment anymore, only the association with the bad memories stick to it. 

He had moved in with Taemin and Chanyeol only last week. He had grabbed his few belongings and hadn’t looked back since. The only thing irking him is that he has lost almost all the connection to the place, including the man who usually sells him fentanyl and ecstasy. He used to need it to get through some nights, but now with friends in his life to fill some of that hole in his chest, it is a mere craving. He wishes he could pop more pills, but the thought of not having it isn’t destroying him like it used to. 

He doesn’t miraculously stop taking, but it is becoming increasingly less. Taemin doesn’t say anything, but Jongin knows he doesn’t like it, and Taemin always knows when he’s taken something. Disappointing him tears at Jongin’s heart. That and the fact that he can never be high around Kibum helps a lot with something that isn’t quite an addiction. 

Cigarettes help to cope as well. He smokes more, he bites his hands more, sometimes he scratches his back leaving behind red welts; An old habit he had picked up again now that he’s laying off the drugs. Irene had trained the scratching out of him, how could you sell a body with fresh scars? Who would pay for someone like that? So Jongin had forced himself to stop, finding some jerk to fuck him roughly to receive the pain that would keep him in line. He doesn’t do that anymore either though, hence the scratching came back. 

Still, Jongin is happier than he has ever been. He still thinks all this could be over any moment, so he tries to enjoy it. Everything else are just obstacles he has to deal with, and he can hide them most of the time.

Kibum had talked to him yesterday. He always picks one or two models to do the photobook for his collection and to put on the website and on ads and billboards. And he had picked Seokjin and Jongin. 

“This means I’m offering you a contract,” Kibum had said. “Only one year. We’ll see after that. You have to quit your job at the club. I’m not looking down on you, but I’m not going to lie, the rest of the world is rarely as tolerant as I am. It’s bad press if you work as a stripper.” 

So Jongin had quit and he had promised Irene to call often and he had told her how thankful he still is. Without her he could have ended up in the streets, or dead.

Jongin had signed the contract with a shaky hand. 

The S-Key show in only five days away and suddenly Jongin’s face is out there, exposed to the world, people liking and commenting on Instagram and twitter about the new faces in the show. There are already discussions about who would stay with SHINee. Jongin feels proud and weird knowing he would stay. How would things change? Would he actually become a famous model, or will it only be for one season? Will people love or hate him? Do they like how he looks? He knows he’s handsome, but it is easy to be handsome at night, under dim lights and alcohol in your system, a place where some glitter around your eyes and long legs make you desirable. In the real world of fashion Jongin could drown fast and it terrifies him. 

Jongin is sitting on the floor, looking at his packed bag. The only thing missing are his toiletries that he would add the night before. He is so happy he gets to go, but he is scared out of his mind. He had not even been on a plane before.

He startles and looks up when he hears a hard knock on the door. Jongin wants to shout that they can’t come in, he doesn’t feel up to human interactions right now, maybe in an hour or two. But Chanyeol is already pushing the door open and he looks so bright with his swept back hair and wide toothy grin. 

He’s wearing jeans and a thick hoodie. He looks so cozy. Jongin doesn’t like it when he sees the smile melt off Chanyeol’s face as he squats down in front of him and gently touches his arms. 

Large hands carefully move to hold Jongin’s wrists, Chanyeol is so tender, Jongin feels as if he’s made out of glass, Jongin feels precious. 

“What happened?” Chanyeol asks. 

His eyes are big and a little wet, lips pressed together with concern. 

“What do you mean?” Jongin whispers, pulling his legs closer as if to protect himself. 

But he doesn’t need to protect himself from Chanyeol. He lets the older male pull him to his feet and walk him to the bathroom. 

Jongin watches Chanyeol guide his hands into the sink and turn on the tap. Jongin swallows. He hadn’t realised how ripped the skin around his knuckles and joints looked, some blood drying around the edges. Looking closer, he can see two bite marks around his thumb muscle. 

It’s nothing dramatic, Jongin thinks. No actual wounds, nothing that wouldn’t vanish within one or two days. 

“What happened?” Chanyeol asks, trying to calm his voice. “Why don’t you talk to us, dammit.”

He doesn’t want to sound upset, doesn’t want to make Jongin feel like he’s done something wrong, even though everything inside him wants to scream at him. It doesn’t matter to what extend Jongin is hurting himself, he could get a paper cut and Chanyeol would set the book on fire for him. But now there is nothing or nobody he could really be angry at. Just Jongin. Chanyeol is frustrated. He knows Jongin is doing his best and bad habits don’t just vanish into thin air, it takes time. Jongin isn’t just going to heal, but he can learn how to manage himself and Chanyeol wants to help. Sometimes it feels as if Jongin won’t let him help. 

“I’m embarrassed,” Jongin says quietly, withdrawing his hands and holding them close to his chest. His eyes are cast down. “Please, don’t hate me.” 

Chanyeol opens the cabinet above the sink and goes through toothpaste, some medications, face products and creams until he finds the ointment he’s looking for. 

“I’m sorry,” Jongin whimpers, backing away from Chanyeol. 

Jongin feels himself panicking, he is ruining it. He always ruins things. 

“Shut up,” Chanyeol says, without bite, grabbing Jongin’s arms to pull him back. “Hands.” 

Jongin obediently shows him his hands. There is no way Chanyeol doesn’t notice how much he’s trembling, but he is polite enough not to mention it. He gingerly takes one hand after the other and applies the ointment. 

“It’s for disinfection and also numbs the pain a little.”

“I- it’s not painful.” 

Chanyeol doesn’t respond at first, just takes Jongin’s face in his hands and tilts it up, making him look at him. 

“I thought you were doing okay.”

“I was, I am! It’s really nothing.”

“So you’re hiding it.”

“I’m no ready for you to see me.” 

“You still think I’ll run away? That I’ll abandon you?”

Jongin shrugs. “You wouldn’t be the first.” 

“Have some fucking faith in me.” 

“I’m trying!” Jongin pulls away again, not enough to be out of Chanyeol’s reach just yet. “You have no idea how hard I’m trying to fix myself for you guys.” 

“You should do that for yourself, not us.”

“Yeah, well, I’m sorry my motivation isn’t to your liking. See, this is exactly what I mean. I’m either not broken enough for people to get off on, or not whole enough to be loved, just never right! I’m sexy for Irene, funny for Minho, I try to be so good for Taemin, I’m normal for your friends, I try to be perfect for Kibum, and you... I don’t even know what you expect of me. Can I not have this one thing, just to feel it for myself?” 

Chanyeol hasn’t even processed every word that had just come out of Jongin’s mouth, and he’s already clapping back. “Self harm isn’t something to treat yourself with! What the fuck, Jongin.” 

“Don’t call it that! It’s not- it’s not that thing. It’s not. Find another boy to fix and shape.” 

Jongin’s hands fly to his mouth, in shock. “I didn’t mean that. Hyung, I’m so sorry.”

Chanyeol just sighs, wrapping his arms around Jongin. He hadn’t meant to make a big deal out of things. He feels terrible. He is endlessly relieved when he feels Jongin relax in his arms. Jongin still likes to be around him, Jongin is still comfortable. “I’m sorry, too,” Chanyeol mumbles. “I know you think you’re too much. I promise, you’re not too much. I just don’t know how to protect you from yourself. I like you a lot, okay?” 

“You like me a lot?” 

“Of course I do.” 

“Sometimes I get scared you don’t.” 

“I’ll make us hot chocolate and then let’s talk. Come on.” 

. 

“You sure you don’t want whipped cream?” 

Jongin shakes his head. 

Chanyeol sprays so much whipped cream into his own mug it’s more cream than chocolate. 

“So I’ll be honest with you,” Chanyeol says, lacing his fingers with Jongin’s on the table surface. 

“Okay.” 

“You need psychotherapy. Like actually. Taemin knows a really good doctor because he used to have a lot of... issues. I’d suggest you talk to him about it. Especially with you working for SHINee now, you gotta be more stable with all that stress coming your way. I’m just so worried. We’ll always be here to catch you, but for how long do you wanna do that, you know...” 

“Okay.” 

Chanyeol frowns. He hadn’t actually expected Jongin to agree so easily.

. 

It is the night before Jongin leaves for Tokyo. The flight is early in the morning and he would meet Jin and Johnny at the gate.

He is sitting on the kitchen counter, legs swinging slightly. He had stolen one of Taemin’s shorts and Chanyeol’s hoodies. Chanyeol tries not to look at Jongin’s smooth calves. Jongin is almost being swallowed by the hoodie, he looks adorable. Chanyeol wants to gather him in his arm and just hold him like a teddy bear.

Jongin silently watches Chanyeol cut vegetables, who cheerfully sings along to the music coming from the speakers. Jongin adores his voice, it’s rough and warm at the same time. Chanyeol has so many talents and it impresses Jongin every time he finds out more; he can draw, cook, drive a motorcycle, he does photography, he plays the guitar and drums, he writes songs and apparently he would also be capable of singing them perfectly. 

There are washed and gutted prawns in a bowl in the sink and the rice is already steaming. Taemin isn’t home yet. 

Taemin always gets home late. Usually Jongin would leave for work when Taemin comes back, but suddenly he’s not going to the club anymore and he feels out of place, watching the time tick by and he doesn’t have to be anywhere. It is kind of nice to be with Chanyeol instead of someone he doesn’t know. He doesn't have to be as conscious of his body here because there is nobody to seduce. But he does miss the dancing. Taemin had offered to bring him with him to the ballet a couple of times now and each time Jongin had declined. 

He doesn’t know what would happen if he stepped into a ballet studio again. He can’t even watch Taemin perform without something in his stomach twisting. Ballet is his dream, his little fantasy, ballet also makes him feel sick. 

Chanyeol throws the vegetables into a pan and lets them sir for a bit before adding the prawns and eventually coconut milk. He stirs in different spices and a paste Jongin doesn’t know the name of, before turning the heat down and putting a lit on it. 

“You’re so talented,” Jongin says in awe. 

Chanyeol laughs. “It’s just a curry.” 

“I wouldn’t know how to make a good curry.” 

“Next time I make one, look at what I’m doing, instead of at me.”

Chanyeol sounds smug. Jongin pouts and Chanyeol grins, pressing his forehead against Jongin’s. The touch lasts for only a second, something small to appease Jongin, and it works. 

“You wanna watch something until Taemin gets here?” Chanyeol asks, as he helps Jongin off the counter. 

It’s not like Jongin couldn’t have done that himself, but it’s an opportunity to hold Chanyeol’s hand. 

Jongin agrees. “I wanna watch an action movie.” 

“Action movie it is.” 

Jongin nuzzles into the corner of the sofa and Chanyeol selects something on Netflix. “Have you seen Polar?” 

“No.”

“It’s with Mads Mikkelsen.” 

“Yeah, let’s watch it.” 

Chanyeol starts the film and then sits next to Jongin, pulling him against him. Chanyeol knows Jongin is always up for some cuddling, and who would he be to deny such wishes. 

Jongin places his head on Chanyeol’s shoulder, the hem of Chanyeol’s t-shirt tightly in his fist. Chanyeol thinks it’s endearing how he’s always clinging to someone’s clothes. 

They watch the movie for a few minutes, commenting on it only a little until they seamlessly fall into a conversation and the movie becomes background noise. 

“You sing really well, you should sing me one of your songs some time,” Jongin smiles. 

“Maybe I should. Music was actually my first love.” 

“Really? Why didn’t you pursue it?” 

“It’s not a very stable career path, composing and all that. My parents wouldn't let me, so this is the next best thing. I really like designing though, and I’m good at it. So it’s not as if I’m doing something I hate.” 

Jongin ponders over it for a bit, rolling the fabric of Chanyeol's t-shirt between his thumb and index. “I’m sure there is a way for every dream. If you felt like music was your life, shouldn't you have just done it? If my body would just let me, I would have never stopped dancing. I would have sacrificed everything, I still would.” 

“You know,” Chanyeol says, his hold on Jongin tightening, “you could still dance. You don’t have to miss it every day.”

“You know I can’t.” 

“Not everything has to be professional and perfect. You could just dance for fun, something that doesn’t strain your body.”

“What’s the point of some half-assed dancing? Nobody wants to see that, I certainly wouldn’t.”

“Fun,” Chanyeol repeats, this time more firmly. 

Jongin rolls his eyes and Chanyeol pokes his side. “I’m being serious. I’ve seen you dance around a bit.”

“That wasn’t dancing.” 

“It was to me.” 

“Maybe dancing is the one thing you don’t know about. If you knew, you wouldn't call that dancing.” 

Jongin and Chanyeol had naturally pressed closer throughout their conversation, Jongin’s head is turned so he could talk to him better. Chanyeol had angled himself to talk more comfortably as well, which had resulted in their faces only inches apart. “I can’t even tell if you are being mean to me, or to yourself.” 

“Probably both,” Jongin more or less jokes. 

“Once you grow the balls for some imperfect dancing, you’ll come running to me and tell me how great it was.” 

Jongin snorts, touching Chanyeol’s chin with a finger. “You’re so weird.”

“In a cute way?” 

“No.” 

“I don’t believe you.” 

Jongin smirks, letting his finger trail from Chanyeol’s face down his neck, eventually resting his hand against the other man’s broad chest. 

“Are you flirting?” Jongin asks bluntly. 

“Depends.” 

“You know, I've noticed something. You keep staring at my lips. A lot of people do, but I gotta say your staring is very excessive.” 

Chanyeol’s gaze unconsciously flicks down to Jongin’s mouth and when he catches himself he groans in annoyance, whereas Jongin giggles. 

“Remember when I kissed you, that night you didn’t want me?”

Chanyeol turns his whole body toward Jongin now, one knee still on the sofa. Jongin’s waist feels amazing under his hands, so defined and elegant. 

“You really think I didn’t want you? I told you I did, it just wasn’t the right moment.” 

Jongin is wrapping his arms around Chanyeol’s neck, Chanyeol can feel his breath against his ear. 

“Taemin told me my little performance you saw at the strip club turned you on.” 

Jongin is hot and today he’s confident which makes him even hotter. Chanyeol finds there is no reason to deny his attraction to him.

He pushes Jongin on his back, one arm still looped around his slender waist, pressing their bodies flush against each-other. 

“This isn’t a distraction for you again, right?” Chanyeol asks. 

Jongin let’s his fingers run through Chanyeol’s hair, smirking still. “No, no ulterior motive. I just want to kiss you again.” 

Chanyeol couldn’t help himself, Jongin is too cute, the way he looks up at him with that smirk of his, eyes big and honest. Chanyeol loves that Jongin’s cheeks have a soft, pink colour these days, his lips are pink too. 

Chanyeol leans down and finally connects their lips. Jongin sighs into the kiss, completely relaxing under Chanyeol when the older pushes his tongue into his mouth. 

Jongin is kissing him slowly, indulging in the feeling. There is non of the aggressive haste that Jongin used to kiss him with. This, Chanyeol couldn't get enough of though. Jongin lets him take control, letting him take whatever he desires.

Chanyeol can’t believe how hot Jongin is. His mouth, his little noises, the way he breathes and keens with his whole body, moving sluggishly against the body on top of him. 

Jongin pouts when Chanyeol abruptly stops them. 

“What?” Jongin asks.

“What about Kyungsoo?” 

“What about him?”

“You guys have been texting a lot and I heard you‘re going on a date together.”

“We were. But I cancelled it.”

“Why?”

“I might be a little oblivious sometimes, but Taemin and Kyungsoo clearly have feelings for each other, and i'm rooting for them.”

“Oh.”

“You didn’t notice?”

“No, not really.”

“And I like someone else, too.”

“Oh my god.”

“Not important now. Come back here.”

Chanyeol does so gladly. 

They kiss for long minutes, until it becomes slower and the kiss eventually fiddles out, leaving them both with a warm, fuzzy feeling in their stomachs. 

Chanyeol rolls off Jongin, lying on his side, back pushed against the backrest of the sofa. Jongin is curled up against him, Chanyeol's arms are like a blanket around him. 

“Thank you,” Jongin breathes against Chanyeol’s neck. “For wanting me.”

Chanyeol knows what he means. He wants Jongin, the person, not just his beauty. Would he have sex with Jongin if given the opportunity? Definitely. But if a kiss is what Jongin needs right now, this is how much Chanyeol will give. Anything to make Jongin believe he does genuinely care. 

“Of course I want you.” 

“You should take me to dinner when I come back from Tokyo.”

“You’re absolutely right.” 

.

Tokyo is wild. 

Tokyo is almost too much. 

For once Jongin isn’t bothered by that fact, on the contrary, he enjoys it. He doesn’t feel like drowning, it’s more like flying. A rush of colours, a rush of people and lights and fabrics. 

Everyone is arrogant or smiling politely, everything that isn’t happening backstage is exquisite. 

The hotel lobby alone already looks fancy. Jongin can’t remember the last time he’s been in a building like that. Jin and Tao each get a big room for themselves, there are two suites for three, and the rest are normal single rooms. Johnny and Hoseok ask for the suite and tell Jongin to join them, wanting to get to know him better and make him feel more like he’s one of them now.

Jongin thinks he would have been much more comfortable in one of the single rooms, but perhaps keeping his mind from wandering off into dark corners is good right now. Besides, Hoseok is giving him such a bright, hopeful smile, it illuminates his entire face. Jongin finds it very hard to decline the offer, so he doesn’t. 

Baekhyun, Jimin and Leo take the other suite and the rest of the models move into the last rooms.

Jongin doesn’t know where Kibum is. The rest of the staff is local and will join them for the rehearsal this evening. 

“So,” Jimin says, briefing them with tired eyes. “We stay for five days, there isn’t a run through each day, but we have schedules each day. We leave the hotel at 5pm, we have hired drivers, you can go out and have fun, but behave appropriately. Baekhyun hyung and I will be keeping a very close eye on the new models. As always, no drugs, drinking is fine, being drunk is not, at least not until the afterparty, no liquors with calories or sugar, and here is everyone’s diet and workout plan. You follow this or you’re fired. I’ll take a power nap before Kibum arrives, off you go.” 

He waves his little hand around to usher everyone away before stomping toward the elevators with Leo and Baekhyun. 

“Ugh. There is so much good food here,” Jin moans. “We should go on a little restaurant tour after the show.”

“Oh yes,” Hoseok agrees. 

“For now we gotta make do with this,“ Johnny sighs, going through his diet plan. 

Jongin reads through his. 

An Apple and a boiled egg for breakfast, lunch consists of a boiled chicken breast and a protein shake, and a green smoothie would be given to them for dinner. 

Jongin nods to himself. He can do this, he’s eaten less. 

The workout only says to do fifty pushups and fifty squats a day to keep the body toned. And two hours with whatever keeps them in shape. Most of them do cardio or jog or swim.

“Let’s settle into our rooms and then hit the gym. I heard they have a swimming pool!” Hoseok says to Johnny and Jongin as they make their way to their rooms. 

“The diets are only like this when there is an upcoming fashion show and it never lasts more than a week,” Johnny tells Jongin. 

“Kibum hyung wants to keep a certain standard but he’s actually really soft. He’s very tough love,” Hoseok says. 

“And Bambam?” Jongin asks. “I haven’t really talked to him yet.” 

Johnny snorts. “That boy is on crack. Not actually!!” He quickly adds upon seeing Jongin’s expression. “Kibum hyung is actually kinda weird about that. Very strict. Most people in this industry turn a blind eye, as long as it’s not blemishing their reputation. Kibum hyung actually cares.”

“We suspect he had a bad experience,” Hoseok says. 

“Anyway, once Bambam likes you, he won’t shut up. He’s actually really fun and social.”

The suite is wonderful. At first Jongin doesn’t want to be too excited, he doesn’t want to embarrass himself already, but Hoseok rushes past him and opens every day with excited squeals before throwing himself on the sofa. 

“That’s a neat ass suite!” 

Johnny just laughs at him and checks out the kitchen. There is a note on the counter that their food will be delivered by room service. The mini fridge contains water and some liquors. 

Jongin is in awe, trailing his fingertips along some of the furniture. The rooms look modern with small touches of baroque. Jongin likes the bathtub the most. 

.

Jongin is surprised at how easygoing Hoseok and Johnny are. He doesn’t mind sharing a place with them anymore. He is actually enjoying himself, cracking jokes with them and talking about their job. 

Johnny used to read Music at a college in Chicago before Bambam had scouted him. He’s a year younger than Jongin. 

Hoseok plays with his fingers as he tells his story. “I used to be a prostitute, it wasn’t nice. Wasn’t even like a fancy escort, more like some piece of meat for bored business men who didn’t want to waste money on someone more expensive. They really liked to degrade me, I think it made them feel better. Fucking bullies and their tiny dicks. They’d call me names and say I’m scum and I started to believe it. Well, until Kibum found me. He saw something in me.” 

Hoseok smiles his million-watt smile, cupping his own cheeks. “Now I know I’m unique. And so many people call me pretty!” 

Hoseok’s eyes are sparkling and Johnny looks at him fondly. 

Jongin knowns there must be more to the story. Hoseok is only twenty and he’s modelled for Kibum for a little over two years before signing the contract last year. It makes Jongin wonder just how early Hoseok had started selling himself and how it came to that point in the first place. Jongin also understands why he wouldn’t tell him right away, Jongin of all people knows that sharing things is hard.

Nevertheless Jongin feels encouraged. “It’s not exactly the same,” he starts, “but I actually quit my job as a stripper some time ago.” 

Hoseok looks happy as he gently pets Jongin’s arm. 

“You know working here is better than joining any model agency,” Hoseok says. “We’re treated with so much respect, Kibum makes sure of that. These guys,” he points at Johnny, who winks at him, “are my family. In this competitive industry, where there is more bad than good, this is great. It’s not just the expensive hotels and travelling.” 

.

Hoseok can dance well.

They had finished the pushups and squats pretty fast. 

Johnny tries a lot of different machines in the studio, Jongin settles for a treadmill and Hoseok dances, pulling up a some YouTube videos to dance along too.  
He asks them to join and Johnny jokingly does for half an hour. 

Jongin politely declines. Watching Hoseok is fun and it leaves the hole in Jongin’s heart aching.

The three of them start hanging out like this more often, sometimes joined by Jin, or Tao. 

They start talking past midnight lounging on white leather. They ask the friendly staff who keeps bringing them their selected meals to take a picture of them. 

.

Jongin forces himself to calm his nerves, counting to ten over and over again so he wouldn’t think too much. It is hard to focus on staying calm, and the few selected reporters who were allowed backstage. 

Backstage is a hasty mess, Baekhyun and Jimin keep pulling and fixing their clothes, the makeup artists always find something that needs re touching. Jongin thinks they have been fumbling around with his hair for almost ten minutes now, after they had announced they were done. 

He’s wearing a bathrobe to prevent makeup or coffee stains on the actual clothes. 

There would be a red carpet an hour before the show. All the models would wear suits designed by Bambam, they were part of his unreleased pret a porter collection. The suits have interesting cuts and they’re very colorful, Jongin likes them. They’re different from Kibum’s darker collection. 

The reporters leave twenty minutes before the red carpet. It’s just the models, Kibum and the staff now. Jongin has changed into his red carpet outfit. His trousers are wide and checkered, on the sides of his leg the fabric is a translucent burgundy, silk dress shirt tugged into the tight waistband. The matching blazer is being draped over his shoulders and his shoes are heeled. Jongin is actually proud of the fact that he can walk in high heels, this is easy in comparison. 

He catches a glimpse of himself in a mirror and is stunned. Thinking back to the beginning of the year, he could barely recognize himself anymore. His hair is dark brown and perfectly cut and styled, no strand out of line. It’s so different from his green longer hair that was always hanging into his eyes. His stage makeup used to consist of glitter and cheap lipsticks, some highlighter and blush maybe, now though he feels like Aphrodite. He looks sculptured and beautiful, no rings under his eyes, the foundation and concealer hide any discoloring, they had cut into his cheeks and jawline to define their outline, making them stand out. His skin is glowing bronze, and under his left eyebrow they had glued small crystals. The eyeshadow is rosy and looks natural, his lips slightly glossy. The suit hangs off of him perfectly. He straightens his back. He’s never felt more heavenly. 

Loud voices tear Jongin out of his thoughts and he turns around to see what is going on. 

Tao is wearing half his outfit; trousers, unbuttoned shirt, the blazer in a confused stylist’s hands. His makeup is done and so is his hair. He stands across from Kibum, his height making him loom over the smaller man. Yet it is clear who is in command here. 

Kibum practically radiates authority, he looks cold and disappointed and he is not pleased. Jongin would have cried if Kibum looked at him like that- 

“I always, always open the show!” Tao almost shouts. “I have for years now!” 

“Not any more,” Kibum replies, something icy in his tone. 

“You’re overreacting. You’re not my dad, no matter how hard you pretend to be. You don’t have the right-“

Kibum looks around the room, determination in his eyes. He spots Jongin. “You,” he says, pointing at him with his chin. “You’re opening the show today. Baekhyun, make sure he has the right outfit.”

“You’re fucking kidding me, aren’t you?!” Tao’s voice is getting shrill. 

Key snaps, hissing at him to get it together. “You think I don’t know the fucked up shit models do? Toxic supplements, cocaine, heroine. You knew the risk.”

“Fuck,” Tao groans. “It just helps me relax.” 

“Should have fucking done yoga or weed then. You’re out.” 

Tao doesn’t even acknowledge everyone around him staring at them. He only glares at Jongin. 

Jongin quickly looks down, although he does notice Tao’s red-brimmed eyes. Tao knows Jongin does drugs sometimes, he had caught him taking a pill after a fitting once, on his way to the train station. Jongin feels his insides twist. This is it. He has fucked it up again, Tao will snitch on him and he’s back in that hole of a life before his dream had even started. 

To his surprise nothing happens. He looks up when Baekhyun gently touches his shoulder. Tao isn’t there anymore, Kibum is talking to Jimin and everyone is going back to their tasks. 

“Not much has changed for you,” Baekhyun says, straightening the collar of Jongin’s collar. “After the red carpet you’re changing into the first outfit, someone will assist you. When you’re off the catwalk you change into the outfit you were gonna wear anyway.”

Baekhyun’s voice is a little bit shaky and not as cheerful as he usually is. Jongin remembers Hoseok’s voice about all of them being very close, like a family. 

“It doesn’t feel right to take Tao’s place in the show,” Jongin says quietly. 

“I know, sweetie,” Baekhyun says, placing his hands on Jongin’s shoulders. “Good luck out there.”

The rest of the event passe by in a blur. The red carpet is scary and everyone is taking pictures, it takes Jongin’s eyes a while to adjust to the camera flashes. There are a lot of questions for the old models, how it feels to be back and if they’re excited, they’re asked about their future plans and what they think of the collection and what they think of what SHINee’s done all year. Jongin is asked a lot of questions too. 

He says he’s honored, says Kibum found him because he’s friends with his brother in law, says he’s always had an interest in fashion. He’s asked if he’ll stay with SHINee and he gives them an ominous, flirtatious smirk and eyebrow raise. 

Jongin finds this surprisingly easy. This is almost like talking to people at the club. You sweet talk them, you flirt, you show confidence, you joke around a little, in a way you’re still seducing, only this seduction has a different outcome. 

Jongin blossoms under the cameras and the people. For once it doesn’t feel overwhelming and suffocating, instead of making him feel small, his confidence only grows. 

Jongin finds Taemin among the VIP guests. 

“Can I be your date for tonight?” Taemin grins, wiggling his eyebrows at him and smiling so wide, his cheeks ball up into the cutest little apples. 

“So many brought their partners, don’t want you to get embarrassed.” 

Jongin laughs at that and hooks his arm with Taemin. 

It’s true that a lot of celebrities, some of the models and other guests have brought their significant other. 

“You have to get your picture taken a last time before you leave the red carpet, I'll be there.” 

“Thank you,” Jongin says, and he genuinely means it. 

He gladly bows his head a little so Taemin can kiss his temple. 

Taemin looks good today, his hair seems product-free. He’s wearing an airy, red overall and a leather belt around his waist, emphasizing his slim and delicate body. He’s got fine silver chains around his wrists and dangling form his pierced ears. 

They walk around for a while, talking to some of the other guests on the red carpet. They’re by far not the main attraction, for which Jongin is glad. There are so many celebrities, even Anna Wintour is there. This is perfect, Jongin isn’t sure if he could have handled more attention at the moment.

A lot of people already know Taemin. He is a stable guest at fashion weeks all over the world, although he shows the most enthusiasm for Chanel and SHINee. Taemin also excitedly introduces Jinki to Jongin, his older brother. Jinki apologizes a dozen times for always missing dinner and that he’ll make up for it, and he wishes Jongin the best of luck and tells Taemin to take care of his friends. 

Jongin also happens to see Kibum talk to the press with Jinki next to him, a strong arm around Kibum's narrow shoulders. Kibum seems a hundred times softer when he is with Jinki. Jongin finds it beautifully romantic, in a way.

It feels like only five minutes when they are discreetly ushered back inside by Jimin. Jongin kisses Taemin’s cheek quickly before leaving him to his own devices. The press already knows they’re best friends, Jongin isn’t ashamed.

Jongin sees Johnny do the same to a handsome boy with purple hair, except that he’s kissing him on his mouth. 

Jongin recognises the boy once he gets a clear view on him when Johnny leaves his side. Johnny puts an arm around Jongin’s middle and urged him off the carpet, always waving and smiling at the cameras. 

Doors close behind them and no camera in sight, Johnny gently puts a hand on Jongin’s shoulder. “You good?” 

Of course throughout the last four days Johnny and Hoseok had started to get to know him a little bit better and know Jongin gets anxious at times. 

Jongin nods, touched that Johnny cares. “I’m great actually.” 

“Ahh! I’m so glad to hear that,” Hoseok screeches and throws himself on Jongin for a brief hug. “Your first carpet, Jonginnie!! I’m proud of you.”

He also hugs Johnny. “And of you, big boy!”

Johnny chuckles, making a dismissive hand gesture. 

“Was that- Lee Taeyong?” Jongin asks.

Taeyong is an idol, one of the more popular ones. He’s known as an ace, he can rap, since, dance, compose, he’s very good-looking too and charming. Jongin likes his group’s music a lot, he even did a few routines with their songs back at the club.

Johnny looks like he’s busking in utter bliss. “That’s right. We’ve been dating for three years and we decided to out ourselves today. First of all, we’re tired of sneaking around, his fans can be pressed all they want, we don’t care anymore. And it will also give the S-Key show even more exposure. Kibum of course knows, and so do Taeyong’s manager and company.”

“You guys looked so cute together,” Hoseok squeals.

Jimin comes running toward them, phone in his hand. “The news are being received pretty well, everyone is excited. The show is trending, some of the models, and you guys. Your couple name is Johntae!!”

“No, that sounds horrible,” Johnny whines. “Can’t they trend Johnyong, or Taeny? TaeJon?” 

“They sound equally bad, sweetie,” Baekhyun chirps as he rushes past them and claps his hands. “Everyone, stop sleeping. Wardrobe change, now!” 

They start taking their clothes off immediately, dumping them into the arms of staff to take care of them and stumble to the makeup stables, bathrobe thrown over them once again. 

Jongin closes his eyes when someone starts removing the crystals and the faint eyeshadow. They re-touch the contouring, tousle his hair, paint on his eyebrows. 

“Taemin loves you a lot,” Johnny says. “I’m actually kind of impressed.” 

“I know he does,” Jongin replies softly, and he even believes his own words. 

“Usually he just sticks to his brother at these shows, but he was actually so happy to support you. What’s with you two?”

“We’re not dating or anything if that’s what you mean.” 

“Are you dating though?”

Jongin feels his cheeks flush a little and he presses his lips together.

“Oh my god, who is it?!”

“It’s- i don’t know if we’re dating. I don’t think so.”

“Okay, but who?” 

“You’re done,” the makeup artist says and Jongin opens his eyes. 

Johnny’s hair is slicked back now, a blue streak vertically across his right eye, something turquoise and shimmery under his eyes. 

Jongin looks in the mirror at his own reflection. His brows are purple and he’s wearing blue eyeliner and gloss again. 

Time passes quick and fully styled through with the first outfit Jongin stands and waits. Just a few moments now, a few steps, a few seconds, the music changes. Jongin takes a deep breath, Jin behind him slaps his ass to wish him luck and Jongin is walking. 

Jongin doesn’t even see the people around him, he looks straight ahead, he looks condescending and he feels powerful. The music is loud. 

He’s so used to all eyes on him, but this time they’re admiring him and the clothes, they’re analysing and criticising, this is exciting. They don’t want him for a lap dance or a cheap fuck, Jongin doesn’t feel worthless. Maybe these people here truly value his beauty. 

He doesn’t have time to think or freak out backstage, because he’s already in the next outfit and suddenly he’s walking again. 

For the very end of the show every model comes out again, and afterwards Kibum shows up too and bows and people applaud him. 

.

Jongin’s brain starts working again properly at the afterparty. 

It is midnight when Bambam grabs a microphone and loudly announces that it is time to reveal some future plans for SHINee. 

“Here’s what gonna happen this year, my wonderful people! I’m launching a new eyeshadow palette! Just throwing it out there. On the red carpet I’ve given you a glimpse of the dismissed designed for my new collection. That’s right, I said dismissed, garbage. But garbage can be precious and although it wasn’t ideal for my own plans, they were perfect for today, weren’t they? But now that’s just me babbling. The thing we’re truly excited about is who is joining our little model family? Unfortunately Yesung is leaving us this season. I wish him the best, and worry not. There will be a goodbye party back in Seoul next week. Now to introduce our new additions. Lee Seokmin, Kim Jongin. Come on up here, my darlings.” 

Jongin takes Bambam’s hand, smiling, as the designer guides him up the three steps up to the small stage. 

Seokmin follows. Jongin hasn’t really talked to Seokmin, but he is a cheerful and positive boy with a gorgeous, genuine smile. Jongin only knows that he has walked for Gucci before. Jongin envies him a little. 

Bambam hugs them both and hands them an envelope and a rose whose petals are pearl aqua. “Welcome, I look forward to working with you.”

Jongin drinks a bit, he speaks with Taemin and Jinki the most, he gets to know Seokmin who is like an excited puppy and infects Jongin with his good mood, Seokmin is more than pleasant to be around. At some point Hoseok sweeps Jongin off his feet, twirls him once and suddenly they’re dancing, swaying and doing messy twirls. Jongin only realises after a few minutes that he’s dancing without feeling like he can’t breathe, he’s dancing and it’s fun, he’s dancing and he doesn’t have to be sexy right now, he’s dancing. 

Jongin has one hand on Hoseok’s waist and with his other hand he’s holding Hoseok’s. They’re still swaying and Hoseok’s cheeks are pink from the alcohol and the eyeliner on his right eye is a little uneven. 

Jongin wants to cry. He feels so good. 

Jongin also dances with Johnny for a short while before stealing Taeyong from him, and dancing with him. Taeyong is shy, but endlessly sweet and the two talk easily. 

Being here seems to calm Taeyong’s nerves who still hasn’t looked at social media. He isn’t ready to see his own fans tear him apart just yet. 

Jongin, Johnny and Jimin had all assured him most people are happy for him, and that those supporting him are viciously defending him. 

Taeyong and Johnny sit across from him and Bambam, who he is chatting with regarding the red carpet suits. 

Jongin is shocked by himself at how fond he is of these people already. Letting Taemin and Chanyeol in had been hard, a rocky path that he still has troubles to walk. But these people here, they don’t know his dark sides yet, they don’t know his brain is fucked up. Jongin is comfortable. With so many people around him and so much conversation Jongin should have fled by now, locking himself away, but today he has no desire to do that. He can’t remember the last time he had willingly talked so much. 

Taeyong is sleepy, his head on Johnny’s shoulders. Johnny has a strong arm around him and lets the young idol play with his fingers. Jongin thinks they look so in love. Seeing that he can’t feel anything but happiness. 

“We don’t usually put dismissed stuff up for purchase,” Bambam says. “We dismiss it for a reason. If we released every decent design we ever come up with, we would produce too much and the quality of our label will suffer. Kibum scratched over four-hundred designs for this S-Key collection alone”.

“I thought maybe it could be a one time thing,” Jongin replies. “Just the suits that were seen today. So many people loved them. Menswear is finally becoming more colourful and also starts working with curves, figure-hugging kind of things. And the suits fit into this whole idea of breaking stereotypes. If you release clothes such as these, do it now when it’s still moving slowly, no? Later when everyone is doing it and it becomes more mainstream it will be harder to impress or provoke.”

Bambam smiles at him. “You’re probably right, but things aren’t always that easy and predictable. I’ll have a talk with our PR manager and Kibum though. I didn’t realise you’re also interested in this part of fashion.”

Jongin shrugs. “I just know a little. I’m friends with some Fashion Journalist students and I just pick things up.”

“You do seem like a fast learner. I heard you’re a natural with the camera.”

Jongin chuckles sheepishly. “Don’t know about that.”

“Nah, nah.” Bambam wiggles his index finger. “Don’t do that. Don’t sell yourself short. I’ve seen your portfolio. Obviously it’s still lacking, you need more jobs, but it’s a brilliant start. The shooting with Jonghyun will definitely give you more offers. Get on instagram, okay? Especially now when everything about you is still fresh and people are interested. You’ve charmed the press today, too. You’ll be a great asset to our house, I can tell.”

.

It’s around 4am when Jongin needs some fresh air and he leaves the booked club to go outside. It’s not too cold outside, but he still shivers. 

He’s wearing wide trousers, a t-shirt with a skull pattern tugged into it. He likes clothes that emphasise his waist. Hoseok had picked the outfit for him back at the hotel and he had paired it with chunky trainers with neon green laces. 

He pulls out tobacco and rolling paper from his back pocket when he startles, dropping loose tobacco all over the place. 

“Sorry,” Tao says, a joyless smile on his face. 

The slender man is leaning against the building wall. He’s slouching and has a bottle of whiskey in one hand, it’s half empty. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“No, it’s fine,” Jongin says quickly. 

Tao looks pitiful in a way, but he still looks so proud and beautiful, pity doesn’t seem like the right word. He looks like something celestial that has fallen, burned out. His eyes are still red, but he doesn’t seem high right now. Tao had cried. 

“I-.” Jongin swallows. He doesn’t know what to say. He feels horribly sorry. “I’m so sorry for what happened. I never wanted to take your place.”

Tao snorts. “I’m not mad at you. Kibum just saw you, anyone could have replaced me today. Don’t feel too special about it. You can apologise by giving me a cigarette”.

“Oh. Of course, hold on.” 

Jongin hastily rolls him a cigarette, but he’s nervous and drops the filter, so he has to fumble a new one out before actually rolling the thing up, closing it and handing it to Tao. 

“You know,” Tao says, “I don’t bite.”

“Sorry.”

“Stop saying sorry! I’ll punch you if you say that again. I’m not joking, I know martial arts, it’ll hurt if I punch you.”

For some reason this makes Jongin laugh and feels himself relax again, rolling himself a cigarette as well and lighting it. 

Tao leans in close so Jongin can light his too. He takes two deep drags of it before pulling back. 

They smoke quietly for a minute. Jongin breaks the silence. 

“You didn’t snitch on me.”

“Don’t know what you mean.”

“You know you and I have the same... problem.”

“Exactly. So why would I snitch on you if we’re sort of going through the same shit. I know this industry is brutal, but you’re one of us now, right?”

Jongin wants to reach out to him, comfort him. He doesn’t feel like it is his place though. “Thank you,” he says instead and it seems enough. 

“You don’t think Kibum will actually fire you, do you? You belong to this house, you’ve been with them for so long. You’re part of the brand.” 

Tao sighs. “I honestly don’t know.”

“But you’re Kibum’s muse.”

“Not if he hates me now.” 

“It was one incident,” Jongin says, he really doesn’t want Tao to leave. “He won’t change his whole perspective of you just because of one thing.”

“He could. He loves me a lot, he practically raised me. Now all he sees is a disappointment.”

“Do you- do you know why he’s so strict with drugs?”

Tao sighs and drops his cigarette to the ground, stomping it out with the tip of his shoe. “Of course. Jinki used to do cocaine if I remember correctly. That behaviour rubbed off on Taemin. Jinki just stopped when he started going out with Kibum, because he wasn’t addicted, just did a line once in an while for fun. Taemin though, something went wrong. He was already doped up from some shit other dancers took and he couldn’t get away from fentanyl patches either, just a lot of stuff happened and he ended up in a hospital on his twentieth birthday. He almost died. I’ve never seen Kibum more broken than around this time. Jinki is Taemins older brother by blood, but they’re both like parents to him, you know. They had been terrified. Anyway, Taemin went into rehab, took a year off ballet. He’s been clean ever since” 

.

Jongin falls into Chanyeol’s arms, giggling as the taller man lifts him off the ground and does a pirouette. 

“Put me down, I’m too heavy.” 

Chanyeol lowers him slowly, still keeping Jongin’s feet off the ground. He has a hand on Jongin’s butt to keep him there and he’s honestly not complaining. 

“Are you kidding me?” Chanyeol laughs. “You weigh nothing. I could bench press like four of you.” 

“Hilarious.” Jongin rolls his eyes, his arms resting on Chanyeol’s shoulders. 

He leans down and Chanyeol meets him half way, kissing him almost as softly as his pillow lips are. 

A smile spreads over Jongin’s face as he looks at Chanyeol. Gentle, kind Chanyeol who has been nothing but good to him. Suddenly Jongin doesn’t want him to put him down again. He wants to stay in his big arms, everything about him is warm.

“I’ve just noticed something,” Jongin says. 

“Okay, tell me after you’ve taken your shoes and jacket off.” 

Jongin watches Chanyeol walk into the living room while he’s hanging up his jackets and kicks. It’s only been five days and he’s missed Chanyeol and his dumb hoodies. It is a relieving sight to Jongin, after being exposed to a mass of people dressed perfectly, pristine, extravagant and luxurious. 

Chanyeol is just Chanyeol. The unflattering hoodie, the messy hair with its dark roots showing, mismatched socks and apparently he had broken his glasses while Jongin had been gone because one of the hinges is being held together by tape. Chanyeol isn’t glamorous and Jongin loves it. Although he’s so different from strobe lights and red carpets, different even from cheap vodka and glittery strippers, Chanyeol makes Jongin feel almost as good as positive attention, and he definitely makes Jongin feel saver than anything else. 

“Where’s Taemin? Didn’t you fly back together?” 

Jongin shakes his head, following Chanyeol into the kitchen. “I think he’s staying with Jinki and Kibum in Tokyo for two more days. I flew with Hoseok and another model called Yugyeom.” 

“I think that’ll be good for Taemin. He doesn’t show it, but he misses his brother a lot. Kibum and Jinki are always so busy.”

Jongin doesn’t know a lot about Taemin’s family, only that his father had never bothered to be a father to them, focusing on the company instead. He had died young. Either way, it had always been Jinki who had raised Taemin. 

“I didn’t know Kibum and Taemin are so close,” Jongin says, leaning against the fridge. 

Chanyeol put the kettle on, carefully watching Jongin, studying his face. 

“They’re not very affectionate I think, but they’d walk through fire for each-other. By the way, you’re like glowing,” Chanyeol says. 

Jongin hums. “I’m just happy to see you.” 

“Missed you too. I wanna hear all about your stay in Tokyo! I saw you! I streamed the red carpet! And then found an account on Instagram that was streaming the show. I’m really proud of you.” 

“Thank you.” 

Jongin pushes himself away from the fridge, stepping closer and getting into Chanyeol’s personal space. Chanyeol doesn’t complain, looping an arm around him. 

“What were you gonna say? Something you’ve noticed.”

Jongin frowns. “I don’t know how weird it will sound if I say it out loud.”

Chanyeol pulls Jongin even closer, his nose touching Jongin’s temple. 

“Just try,” Chanyeol mumbles against Jongin’s skin and suddenly Jongin is less afraid. 

“I’ve been feeling really good lately. The whole model thing, working with these people, and people looking at me the way they do, I feel like they see me. And when I walked down the stage I felt so alive, not as empty. You kind of have the same effect on me. You make me feel important, priceless, you make me feel like somebody worth looking at.”

Chanyeol stares at him with his big, round eyes. His mouth is turned down as he grumbles something about just wanting to make tea but now being really emotional. 

“I’m so glad to hear that,” Chanyeol eventually says, kissing Jongin again. “Know what im happy about? I can do this now. Almost whenever I want to. It’s so addictive.” 

Jongin chuckles before he’s shut up by Chanyeol’s mouth again. Jongin wouldn’t call Chanyeol a good kisser, he’s using a little too much tongue and he’s uncoordinated, but he’s enthusiastic. He’s a little aggressive, yet so gentle at the same time, like he can barely control himself and is simultaneously afraid of breaking Jongin as if he’s made out of glass.

Jongin’s back finds itself pressed against the fridge, Chanyeol trapping him there with his body. Jongin just lets him do his thing, letting his skull fall back against the fridge door, letting Chanyeol explore and take to his heart’s content as he does his best to kiss back. 

In a way Jongin enjoys how it feels a little bit as if Chanyeol was using his mouth, so Jongin breaks away, slightly out of breath. 

“I want to suck you off,” Jongin whispers. 

Chanyeol swallows and nods, not quite trusting his voice. He turns down the heat of the stove and then drags Jongin toward his room, where the boy indeed sucks him off, dropping to the floor before Chanyeol can even close the door. 

It takes a lot of reassuring from Jongin that he’ll be fine, until Chanyeol gives in and agrees to fuck his face. Jongin is choking despite not being able to swallow Chanyeol’s entire length. He feels it heavy on his tongue, lips stretched so wide, feels it in his constricting throat. 

Jongin still puts his all in, sucking and licking whenever he gets the chance, as Chanyeol thrusts into his mouth over and over again. His eyes are watering.

The sight alone is driving Chanyeol crazy. Jongin looks so hot and yet so cute, trying to keep his eyes open, struggling to keep his jaw slack, one hand palming his hardening dick over his trousers.

Chanyeol pulls out before he comes, jerking himself off and splattering cum against the corner of Jongin’s mouth and cheeks 

Jongin immediately stands, pulls Chanyeol’s hoodie off and walks them toward the bed. Chanyeol gets tangled with his pants for a moment, before he just steps out of them and lets himself be thrown onto his mattress. 

Jongin crawls between Chanyeol’s legs, leaning over him to give him a small kiss. Chanyeol cups his cheeks, pulling him down once more to lick and kiss away the semen on that beautiful face. 

“You’re so sweet, it’s gross,” Jongin tells him.

Chanyeol laughs. “Most people would consider this as only gross.” 

Jongin just shrugs and sits up to take off his shirt. Chanyeol’s large hands immediately fly to his hips. Jongin’s skin is so smooth. Chanyeol appreciates the way Jongin’s muscles shift when he moves, the dent in his waist and his flat belly make the way Jongin breathes so visible. 

Chanyeol trails the skin with his fingers and once Jongin has gotten rid of his pants too, Chanyeol grabs him by his waist tightly, pulling him forward to properly sit on Chanyeol.

He can’t believe Jongin has his naked ass and dick resting on his stomach, he can feel himself getting hard again. Chanyeol’s hands keep touching Jongin’s golden skin, his splayed open thighs, his ribs, his fingers also ghost over the crack of his ass. 

“Grab the lube from the nightstand.” 

Jongin reaches for the drawer and picks out a few items. “I slept here almost every night, did you even get to jerk off?”

“Shower.”

“Aw, should have asked me. If it was up to me I would have already mounted you.”

“Very romantic.” Chanyeol rolls his eyes, getting some lube on his fingers. “You didn’t really want to be with me at the time, Jongin, you weren’t ready. You just wanted a quick fix, and I didn’t want to be that. But now...” 

“Now it’s different. I don’t view you like that anymore.” 

“Exactly. On your knees, baby.” 

Chanyeol sits up while Jongin straightens up, kneeling. “Can you stay like this for me?” 

Jongin nods and Chanyeol pushes a finger in, not very slowly. Jongin clenches his teeth, immediately grabbing onto Chanyeol’s shoulders. Chanyeol’s other hand is caressing him everywhere, distracting him. 

Jongin feels as he had at the fashion show. Wanted and in a state of content. 

Chanyeol wants to prepare him thoroughly, but three fingers in Jongin shushes his hand away. 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, yes. Hurry, fuck me with ur giant dick.”

“You know, when you phrase it like that it doesn’t even sound like a compliment anymore. Besides, it’s not like your dick is small.”

“I know. It’s not doing me any good right now though, so just fuck me already. Talk later.” 

Chanyeol turns them around, pressing Jongin into the sheets. Jongin is on his stomach and quickly shoves a pillow under his hips, opening his legs and sticking his butt out. Chanyeol kisses his thighs and licks a long stripe across Jongin’s ass, between his cheeks, making the younger man moan and tremble with anticipation. 

Chanyeol kisses along his spine and neck as he’s lining himself up. He drags his cock between the cheeks, rubbing it against Jongin’s hole without actually breaching, just teasing. 

Jongin buries his face in his arms, groaning. Chanyeol smiles to himself, rolling on a condom when he’s out of patience, and finally starts pushing in. 

Jongin tenses up when he’s a little more than half way in. Maybe he should have let Chanyeol prep him better after all. 

Jongin is clenching down hard, trying to stop Chanyeol from pushing in any further. He’s breathless, his brows furrowed.

“Baby, you have to relax,” Chanyeol says softly, rubbing soothing circles into Jongin’s hip, kissing between his shoulder plates.

Eventually Jongin relaxes his limbs, allowing Chanyeol to move. Chanyeol pulls out a little and pushes back in, shallow, careful thrusts. This way Chanyeol slowly sheathes himself deeper into Jongin, inching closer until he’s pressed flush against him, skin to skin.

Jongin is gasping, his hips involuntarily stuttering, rubbing his dick against the pillow underneath. Chanyeol starts out slow, letting Jongin adjust as he simply pulls in and out. When Jongin starts meeting his thrusts and arching his back Chanyeol just laughs, asking him how he wants him. 

Jongin doesn’t really say anything, just lifts himself up on his knees again, and Chanyeol does the same to not slip out of him. Jongin’s elbows are still on the mattress and his head is hanging between his shoulders, ass in the air. Chanyeol is ridiculously turned on at how openly Jongin presents his body to him. Chanyeol has the perfect view, eyes glued to where his cock vanishes into Jongin. Out of pure self indulgence Chanyeol slides out almost all the way, before sliding back in, watching Jongin’s hole stretch for him. 

Jongin moans his name, telling Chanyeol to stop playing around. 

Chanyeol takes hold of Jongin’s hips and finally doesn’t hold back, hammering into him, deep and hard and fast. Jongin would have lost balance if Chanyeol wasn’t holding his ass up by his hips. 

Jongin is shaking, doesn’t even know if he’s shaking or if Chanyeol is just fucking him so hard it violently pushes his body forward and backward. 

A steady stream of whimpers and small gasps escape Jongin’s mouth. 

He feels full and used in the best way. He’s so full. 

“Ah- ah, hyung,” Jongin groans, “pull my hair. Please, please.”

Chanyeol doesn’t have to be told twice. Keeping up the pace he reaches out to grab a fistful of Jongin’s hair with one hand and pulls. An experimental pull. Jongin’s reaction is prompt, he arches his back even more and moans so loudly,  
Chanyeol does it again, harder. Jongin has tears in his eyes, he’s so turned on. 

Chanyeol can feel his orgasm building, knows he’s close. He harshly pulls on Jongin’s hair again, making the younger boy gargle in pleasure. He has to lift himself up on his hands now, head thrown back to accommodate Chanyeol’s tight iron grip on his hair. It’s difficult to breathe in this position, Jongin loves every second of it. 

Chanyeol comes with a low growl and he keeps fucking Jongin for as long as he can manage, before he’s too sensitive and soft. 

Chanyeol pulls out, making Jongin whine. “Nooo.”

“Shhhh, it’s okay, I’m here. I got you.”

Chanyeol rolls Jongin over onto his back, pulling off the condom, aiming for the trash can. He is sure he missed. 

Jongin is limb and sweaty, and his cheeks and chest are flushed. Chanyeol moves down his body and takes his still hard cock into his mouth and sucks hard once, twice, before he starts bobbing his head. Jongin is nearly screaming, wet thighs trembling as he spills down Chanyeol’s throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it. Let me know what you think in the comments <3


	7. Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii!! I‘m sorry I didn’t update this in so long! I was so busy, but the semester is finally over, SOOO a new small chapter yay. Thank you so, so much for all the nice comments too! I really appreciate them.

Kim Jongin has many sides to him, and Chanyeol is fascinate by every single one of them. At first, when he had first laid eyes on Jongin, he had been a mess, shaking in Taemin’s skinny arms, too big for the tiny blonde to really hold, and yet he did. Chanyeol had felt like an intruder and after Taemin had hushed him, he had left quickly. The next morning Chanyeol had thought Jongin was pitiful, this fucked up stripper who happened to be beautiful. Chanyeol felt horrible for thinking that after only a few minutes of talking to him. Chanyeol had immediately liked him then. He used to want to take care of him and protect him from all the harms in the world, but now he realizes that Jongin’s experiences had matured him, he is not a baby. He can take care of himself if he really has to, he never needed their help, yet he took it. Not to get out of his living situation, but because he deeply wanted friends. Chanyeol is not even sure if Jongin is aware of the fact that sex could have never filled his loneliness, because real closeness comes from more than a warm body.

Chanyeol gets to know the broken Jongin. He gets to know his messy side, but he also learns about his cocky side; a confident deity, glowing, flashlights bouncing off golden skin, eyes gleaming and condescending. Jongin walks a fine line between loving and hating who he is, and modeling and sex seem to bring out the sides he loves about himself. Chanyeol starts to fall for him when Jongin starts to relax around him, cracking jokes and laughing so openly, looking all dumb and adorable. Chanyeol gets to know the stripper persona, the closest he has gotten so far to the dancer inside Jongin. Sharp, seductive, oozing elitism and freedom. He gets to know how cute the younger can be, giggling, watching Chanyeol cook, pacing around the apartment to clear his head, cuddling with Taemin, grinning every time the man kisses his forehead, playing with Chanyeol’s hands.

What Chanyeol loves about Jongin the most these days though, is him at peace, smiling and content, just the way he is when he is cuddled up next to Chanyeol in the mornings and nights, or right now; Chanyeol languidly kissing and sucking on his neck. Jongin has his legs around Chanyeol’s waist, arms thrown over his broad shoulders, softly gasping at Chanyeol moving inside him. 

Chanyeol thrusts slow and deep, grinding against Jongin’s prostate, feeling Jongin shiver under him, thighs squeezing tightly around Chanyeol. 

It has not even been an hour since they had first been intimate, fucking like animals, quick, rough and explosive. They had cuddled for long minutes to calm themselves down. Chanyeol had dragged Jongin’s luggage into his room, they had eaten some snacks from the fridge, they had cuddled some more and talked. They had talked until kissing had replaced their words, hands starting to wander again, more gentle now, less rushed. Chanyeol likes both. The debouched fucking, the hair pulling, the aggression of it. But he enjoys this just as much, Jongin so sensitive and pliant, making love to him, taking their time. It almost feels as if they are not working towards a climax, they are simply relishing in the pleasure of the moment. Chanyeol feels vulnerable, but he doesn’t mind, not with Jongin. He just wants to hold him, kiss him, feel him around him. Jongin’s skin is warm and sweaty, he’s too lazy to touch himself, he‘s just watching Chanyeol, sometimes letting his fingers play with the strands of hair in Chanyeol’s nape.

Chanyeol comes first, making Jongin sigh at the sensation. He pulls Chanyeol closer to kiss him. The kiss is wet with too much tongue, Jongin loves it nonetheless, for some reason it makes him feel warm. Eventually Chanyeol moves away from his lips again, kissing along his jaw, down to his collarbones and chest, tracing the subtle outline of abs with his tongue, as he jerks Jongin off, tugging him to completion. Jongin keens and fists the sheets underneath him when his orgasm hits him, mouth agape. 

.

They do a quick cleanup, take a shower and then Jongin has planted himself on the sofa, refusing to get up. 

“What about your suitcase?” Chanyeol asks. “Don’t you want to unpack.?”

“No.”

Jongin cutely shakes his head with a pout and grabs one of the fuzzy blankets on the sofa to wrap it around him. He’s stolen one of Chanyeol’s sweatpants and had combined it with his silk pajama shirt. He looks so different than the gorgeous man that people are falling for all over the internet. There is no doubt that Jongin is gorgeous, no matter what he wears, and with or without makeup. But this is way more real and unfiltered. Suddenly Chanyeol feels so privileged to have this wonderful person in his life. He had made Jongin happy. Chanyeol forgets about the dumb suitcase and instead joins Jongin on the sofa, pulling him into his arms and kissing him gently. 

“I really, really missed you,” Jongin mumbles, hiding his face in the crook of Chanyeol’s neck. 

Chanyeol grins, stroking the back of Jongin’s head. “Good.” 

“No, what if I have to travel more in the future? Then I’ll always miss you.” 

“As long as you come back here, I don’t see the problem.” 

Chanyeol tightens their hug, nuzzling his nose into Jongin’s damp hair. Sometimes he misses the blue-green nest that used to be his hair. Now it’s dark and he had started using masks and putting eggs and oils in it. Taemin had also announced a few days ago that he would kick them out of the apartment if they did not put aloe vera gel on their faces together every evening. Jongin had been excited, Chanyeol less so. 

“How do you feel?” Chanyeol asks quietly. 

He tries to ask as indirectly as possible. At this point he knows he shouldn’t corner Jongin. He doesn’t expect much of an answer, he just needs to know that Jongin is okay, that this is okay. 

“Good.” Jongin snuggles closer. 

.

The following day Chanyeol is off to attend lectures, and Jongin also leaves early since he has to do the photobook shooting with Jin. The shooting is over surprisingly fast. The outfits are the same ones from the S-Key fashion show and the background is white, their makeup very neutral. Kibum is not even there, only Jimin and Baekhyun, and Ten, the young photographer Kibum had recommended. 

They grab coffee afterwards. Jongin feels a little nervous, since he had not spent a lot of time with Jin alone before. Jin turns out to be easy to talk to, he seems interested in almost anything and loves hearing stories as well as sharing stories. Jin ends up doing most of the talking, neither of them minds. 

“Have you heard of Tao?” Jongin asks. “I feel like it’s not my place to text him. I’m not sure he even likes me.”

Jin sighs, tapping some rhythm onto the sides of his mug. “Well, Kibum is not back from Japan yet. Who knows what he’ll decide...” 

Jongin smiles at the thought of Taemin getting to spend some quality time with his brother and Kibum, his worry for Tao overshadows it however. This job means everything to Tao, he has basically grown up in it. Jongin wonders what he would have felt like if Irene had kicked him out of the club due to his bad habits. 

“I think he will come around,” Jin says. “The problem is that if Kibum let’s Tao get away with it, other models might think he is not serious about his rules.” 

“I think everyone knows that Kibum is serious about them.” 

“Try telling him that. But I agree with you. Tao has been punished enough. Just text him though, he is not as cold as he seems.” 

.

Almost a month passes. Chanyeol is sitting in the library with Sehun and Taehyung, scribbling around on his tablet. He is not satisfied with any of his designs at all, but he knows he won’t get anything done at home. He groans, pushes the tablet aside and pulls out his sketch book. Sometimes paper and a good old pencil help him come up with something. 

Sehun and Taehyung are discussing their assignments for their PR class. Sehun is confused, Taehyung is not in the mood and does not manage to stay focused. The overall working atmosphere is really not going strong for either of them. Chanyeol wishes Jongin was here. The younger man is surprisingly helpful regarding any kind of creative block. Whether it be writing or designing. Since he is not studying any of their subjects, he can come up with things they sometimes don't even consider. 

Jongin is surrounded by creative people almost every day, he is watching and learning how the fashion industry works and he’s fascinated, eager to tell his friends all about it. Sehun finds it useful for his studies, Taehyung just loves conversation. 

Chanyeol watches Jongin make friends, slowly but surely. Apart from him and Taemin, Jongin is starting to get close to Sehun and Kyungsoo, but he loves to hang out with Taehyung, Hoseok and Johnny too these days. Johnny and Taeyong had invited Jongin over for dinner once and Jongin had talked about how great of a cook Taeyong is for two days after. They had a little dinner planned, where Johnny and Taeyong would come over and the idol and Chanyeol would cook something together. Jongin is super excited about that. 

Jongin is doing more shoots and ads these days, so these little social gatherings mean almost as much to him, as his alone time. The S-Key show had been the ultimate first step into this crazy, freeing and yet oppressing world for Jongin. He becomes more famous by the day, and Chanyeol and Taemin could not be prouder. Jongin does need his alone time though, or he would get overwhelmed. Sometimes he would watch a movie by himself in his room, or read for one or two hours, before crawling into bed with Chanyeol, cuddling up to him and Chanyeol would always spoil him with kisses. 

Jongin goes to at least one audition each day. Jongin gets rejected often. It happens of course. Jongin was bad at handling the rejection in the beginning, at first he had panicked. He is getting better at handling it though, the praise and jobs he does get, balance out the disappointment he feels. There are still bad moments in which Chanyeol notices the scratches on his hands, moments he finds Jongin sobbing in the bathroom for no apparent reason. Jongin trusts Chanyeol more than most people, but Jongin’s trust for anyone only goes so far. Chanyeol knows that Jongin has not told him most of his dark thoughts yet. Chanyeol does not pressure him to speak though, because Jongin seems to be doing a lot better and he does not want to make it worse again.

Jongin and Chanyeol are vaguely dating now. Chanyeol actually is not sure what they are. Jongin seems to avoid the conversation, but his actions show Chanyeol how much he cares. Jongin might not be able to talk about certain things, can’t find the right words for certain situations, does not know how to react, but it is okay for Chanyeol. Jongin shows it through cuddles, stars in his eyes, shows it by listening to Chanyeol sing, shows it by slow-dancing with him, by stealing his clothes. Chanyeol is not going to confront him, Jongin will clarify things once he is ready.

Today Jongin does not have anything work-related scheduled. He is having his second therapy session. He does not tell Chanyeol anything about it, all Chanyeol knows at this point is that it is the same psychiatrist that used to take care of Taemin; Doctor Kim Junmyeon. When Chanyeol had asked him last week how things had gone, Jongin had only uttered a “fine”. Chanyeol figures it cannot be bad since he is going to the second session. 

Chanyeol hopes that Jongin will join them afterwards, that is if the session does not upset him. According to Taemin though, Junmyeon is very patient and kind, not patronizing at all, just the right ingredients to not make Jongin uncomfortable. 

.

Jongin did not show up at the library. Chanyeol is only a little bit disappointed. With only half the things done that he had planned to finish, he goes home. Sehun and Taehyung had asked if he wanted to get drinks with them, but he had declined. 

“Oh my God, he gets a boyfriend and suddenly he’s a party pooper,” Sehun had whined and Taehyung had shoved him. 

Sehun is obviously just joking, Chanyeol loves to go out, but a lot of times he prefers to stay in and cook something nice. Chanyeol is in the elevator when he gets the first text from Sehun. A selfie with him, Taehyung and a sullen Kyungsoo. 

Sehun: Bitch, you’re missing out  
PCY: what did you do to Soo? He looks dead inside  
Sehun: Oh, he didn't want to go out. And I think he had a fight with Taemin  
PCY: Oh shit!  
Sehun: indeed. Keep me updated because Soo refuses to talk about it. we’re getting him drunk so he’ll talk

Chanyeol knows Taemin is in a bad mood the second he sees him. Jongin is standing a few feet away from him, which is very unlike Jongin, who usually seeks out closeness more than the average person. Taemin is pacing while Jongin sits at the kitchen counter stiffly. 

“It’s just non of your business,” Taemin says, “in fact it’s nobody’s business.” 

“I was just worried,” Jongin mumbles sheepishly. 

Chanyeol notices that Jongin is keeping his eyes on his lap, not daring to meet Taemin’s eyes. 

“Worry about your own stuff then. It’s not your fucking job to baby me, or decide what’s good for me.”

“I’m sorry.” Jongin’s voice is getting quieter by the second, but for once Taemin does not seem to notice he is intimidating him. 

“I’ve known Kyungsoo for years, how long have you known him? You’ve met him maybe three, or four times. You don’t know me, or him, you don’t know shit.” 

“That’s enough,” Chanyeol snaps. “What the fuck, Taemin.” 

Jongin flinches at Chanyeol’s loud voice. 

“I go out with whoever I want,” Taemin says to Jongin, more calmly now. “And I fuck whoever I want.” 

Taemin turns around sharply, grabs his car keys and wallet from the table and storms out of the apartment.

“I’m sorry,” Jongin whispers again just before Taemin slams the door shut unnecessarily hard, startling Jongin a second time. 

“Hey,” Chanyeol says softly, quickly taking Jongin into his arms to give him the comfort he needs, before he can spiral. 

“I didn’t mean to upset him.” 

“It’s not your fault.”

“You don’t even know what this was about.”

“But I know it’s not your fault. You’re not responsible for his bad mood.” 

Chanyeol presses a gentle but earnest kiss to Jongin’s temple before he lets him go and wanders to the fridge to open it. “Tell me what happened while I make dinner. What do you think about pasta? Or hot pepper chicken? Taemin will be happy about the leftovers when he comes back.” 

Jongin just nods, putting his elbows on the counter. He watches Chanyeol pull ingredients out of the fridge and retrieve a pan from a drawer. 

“Taemin just told me about another date with Jonghyun and then he asked if I didn’t go out with Kyungsoo because of you. I told him yes and then he asked if I’d date Kyungsoo if I hadn’t met you.“ 

Jongin sighs. “He was really tense. He wasn’t mad then, he just seemed... unsettled.” 

Chanyeol places a cutting board on the counter Jongin is also sitting on and dumps the freshly washed food on it. Jongin is quick to look at his hands again, nervously scratching at a knuckle. 

“What did you say?”

“That I’m not sure. Maybe we would have slept together once, but nothing more. I said I wouldn’t do this to him anyway.”

Others might have been jealous, but Chanyeol is just glad that Jongin is honest with him. There is no legitimate reason to be jealous, if they weren’t together Jongin could sleep around all he wanted. What counts is that Jongin is committed now. 

“Do what to him?” Chanyeol asks, as he starts to chop up scallions.

“I wouldn’t start something with someone he clearly has feelings for. And then Taemin got really upset and told me to stop saying nonsense. I added that he also shouldn’t lead Jonghyun on. That’s when I probably crossed a line.”

“I don’t think you did. I think you were just being a good friend. The truth can be uncomfortable for some people.”

“You think they’re in love too?”

“I know they are. Taemin told me. Taemin has been crushing on him for ages. A few years back Taemin even confessed to him, but it was a dark time in Taemin’s life and Kyungsoo was not ready to deal with it, which he has every right to.” 

“I’m glad you don’t mind dealing with me,” Jongin whispers. 

“Everyone is different. Don’t think badly of Kyungsoo, Taemin was a handful. Kyungsoo said Taemin’s actions were hurting him as a friend already and he couldn’t imagine how painful it would be if he allowed himself to love him in a not friendship way.” 

Jongin doesn’t know what to say. Chanyeol throws all the cut vegetables and chicken into the sizzling pan and stirs it a few times with chopsticks. 

“I can hear your thoughts from here,” Chanyeol says and turns around again. 

“Is that- is that how you feel sometimes? When I’m careless, it affects you.” 

Chanyeol hesitates for a moment. “Yeah.”

“I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be. You’re getting better, you’re trying.” 

“Taemin got better too though. What was stopping them after Taemin got out of rehab?”

“Taemin acted like he got over Soo. Joked about it even. So suddenly it was Kyungsoo who was rejected and hurt. Since then they both just pretend they don’t feel anything but platonic affection. It’s like they’re in an unspoken competition about who gets to fuck more, who is happier without the other. And at the same time they won’t stop sleeping with each other either! It’s such a mess, and if you ask me this whole thing is just toxic for them. I think they need to either get over one another, or get over their pride. Anyway. Taemin is pretty childish if you confront him about the whole issue. As you just witnessed.” 

Chanyeol quickly washes his hands and then retrieves his phone to text Sehun. 

“Taemin said- he asked me if I really thought I did him a favour by not fucking Soo. It sounded so unlike him. He wouldn’t say stuff like that.”

“Usually he wouldn’t. I think he was especially sensitive about the topic today because he had a fight with Soo.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, hold on.”

PCY: Nini pissed Taem off by mentioning Kyungsoo. How is it looking at your end  
Sehun: and I oop  
PCY: ..........  
Sehun: Taemin found out Kyungsoo might have a girlfriend  
PCY: does he?  
Sehun: not exactly, I think they’re more like friends with benefits. Taemin made that face. You know the super judgmental, disgusted face he makes sometimes? So Kyungsoo asked wtf his issue was and Taemin rolled his eyes  
PCY: Soo hates that  
Sehun: he really does. So he snapped at him and said he’d stop, if he stopped fucking Jonghyun and then things escalated. These two are such hypocrites, I’m tired  
PCY: their “communication” gives me grey hair  
Sehun: hows Nini?  
PCY: he should be fine, I distracted him by talking and explained it’s not his fault  
Sehun: good to hear. Tell him I luv him more than you, because you suck. 

Chanyeol exhaled loudly, thoughtfully stirring the chicken. 

Jongin had quietly slid off his chair and bridged the distance between him and Chanyeol, wrapping his arms around his sturdy torso, nuzzling his face into his warm back. 

“I should have minded my own business,” Jongin mumbles. 

“That’s what friends are all about though, we’re supposed to be in each-others business. Especially when it’s about their happiness and they’re being idiots.”

.

Chanyeol feels like a parent waiting up for their irresponsible teenage child to come home. Chanyeol is wearing one of his oversized t-shirts and and boxer shorts, and Jongin gad once again borrowed one of his baggy sweatpants. The model has his upper body in Chanyeol’s lap, reading a book. Chanyeol traces his warm fingers over Jongin’s bared, smooth skin, mapping out the dips and dents of his muscles. Chanyeol thinks he’s gained a little weight since he first met him, which made him very happy. Chanyeol half pays attention to the TV, half pays attention to Jongin breathing calmly, that beautiful chest slowly rising and falling.  
Chanyeol had asked what Jongin is reading and Jongin had shown him the cover; The Murders in the Rue Morgue.

It’s just after three when the apartment door unlocks and Taemin sneaks inside. At least he tries, but it’s hard to miss Chanyeol and Jongin on the sofa, so he gives up on being secretive and just sighs. 

Jongin is asleep at this point, curled up on Chanyeol’s side. The book is sitting on the coffee table and TV is still running. 

“Look who decided to come home,” Chanyeol says. 

Taemin rolls his eyes. “Shut up, mom.”

“Don’t roll your eyes, that’s what got you into that mood in the first place.”

Taemin sighs again and walks over to them, sitting down on Chanyeol’s other side, wrapping slim, pale arms around his neck and hiding his face in his shoulder. “I feel like shit.”

“I know, I’m sorry.” Chanyeol patted his friend’s head. 

“Nini,” Taemin whispers, untangling himself from Chanyeol a little bit to reach out and gently touch Jongin’s arm. “Nini, darling...” 

Jongin’s eyes flutter open. He yawns and Chanyeol actually has to contain himself from squealing. Jongin is so cute sometimes, it’s unbearable. Jongin rubs his eyes with a fist and then blinks. He smiles when he sees Taemin smiling so fondly, who absently brushes knuckles over Jongin’s cheek before retrieving his hand again. 

“I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking at all. And to think it’s usually me who tells Chanyeol to be careful about what he says.” 

Taemin chuckles and Chanyeol elbows him, only making Taemin chuckle harder. 

“It’s fine,” Jongin says, voice hoarse from sleep. “Not everything is about me, I need to stop taking stuff personally.” 

“I can still avoid making you feel bad just because I had a shit day.” 

“Okay.” 

Taemin can’t resist poking Jongin’s cute nose, and Chanyeol can’t blame him.

“Go back to sleep, darling cub.” 

So Jongin does. 

Taemin stands up, stretching. Chanyeol carefully gets up too, placing a pillow under Jongin’s head and covering him with a blanket. 

“We got leftovers for you.” 

Taemin follows Chanyeol into the kitchen. 

“Thank god, I’m starving. You’re the best.” 

Taemin jumps a little to give Chanyeol a big smooch on the cheek before popping the plate into the microwave. 

“So. Where were you?”

“Was driving to Jonghyun’s place. You know how I deal with stuff, had to take my mind of things. Nothing a good fuck can’t fix. But then I felt really bad about it and I like... Ugh, I talked to him and he made coffee and listened. Jjong is the absolute sweetest thing, Chanyeol. I don’t deserve his patience. He told me he understands and that he’s glad I explained my feelings toward him before he could catch actual feelings. We’re gonna try to stay friends, we’re on the same wavelength. Would be a pity to lose our friendship over my stupidity. Anyway, then I went to Kibum.”

The microwave gave a little ding and Taemin took out the plate and greedily started shovelling chicken and rice into his mouth with a spoon Chanyeol had handed him. 

“Did you tell Kibum anything?”

“Nah, I don’t need another lecture. I just needed him. We talked and cuddled and then I came back here.” 

They stay in the kitchen for a few moments, but since it is getting pretty late Chanyeol gently picks up Jongin from the sofa and carries him to his room before sticking his head out of the door again to wish Taemin a good night, who gives him a little wink from the staircase.

.

“Why do I feel like everyone has slept with Taemin except for me?”, Chanyeol whines. 

Jongin laughs. “Your loss honestly. He’s like a sex god. Sorry you don’t get to experience that anymore.”

Chanyeol grunts, but Jongin just smirks. “Because you're dating me now! Right?”

Chanyeol is somehow relieved to hear Jongin say that out loud. He knows they are an item, but he had been too afraid to speak about it with Jongin, not wanting to scare the younger boy away. 

Chanyeol grins so wide, wrapping himself around Jongin like a koala and raining kisses all over his face. Jongin giggles, his legs automatically coming up and around Chanyeol’s waist, pulling him closer. 

“This is my favourite time with you,” Jongin says quietly and he looks so beautiful, Chanyeol wants to cry. 

Jongin’s dark hair is fanned out underneath him, exposing his entire, gorgeous face. His cheekbones and cute nose and plush lips look sculptured as if carved by Pygmalion himself. 

“Tell me. More. About it,” Chanyeol says between small kisses. 

Jongin’s hands push themselves under Chanyeol’s shirt, feeling his skin and chest. “You’re so soft and warm in the mornings. I used to dislike waking up. But you make me unafraid of waking up. Also, know I’m only saying that because I’m still super sleepy and I don’t know what I’m saying. Don’t get cocky.”

Chanyeol laughs, nosing along Jongin’s golden neck. “I’m allowed to feel cocky. You’re so cute and precious and you love me.”

“Stop it.” Jongin’s hands move away from Chanyeol’s chest and instead he covers his blushing face with them 

“Adorable.”

“Stooop. I changed my mind, I don’t like mornings with you at all. Also, why were you mentioning Taemin?”

“He texted me that he and Kyungsoo had make up sex this morning, which still doesn’t seem exactly healthy, but oh well. Baby steps I guess. So I was like thinking how everyone of our friends has slept with him at some point. Speaking of though, we should totally have morning sex too! But I feel lazy.” 

Jongin had found his composure again and gives Chanyeol a smile that reminds him of the face cameras know so well these days; a confident eyebrow raise, a crooked, cool smirk, eyes warm and glistening. 

Jongin rolls them around and settles between Chanyeol’s legs. “I’m not sleepy anymore. Can I fuck you, pretty please, can I?” 

Chanyeol groans, legs spreading just a little bit wider. “Go ahead.” 

Jongin surges forward to kiss Chanyeol deeply, tongue pushing into Chanyeol’s mouth as he shoves one hand down Chanyeol’s boxers. 

Chanyeol moans, bucking his hips up, pushing his dick against Jongin’s perfect hand. He lets himself drown in that man, gives himself over to him and how he makes him feel. Jongin is all around him and it’s so hot. 

Chanyeol can’t help but agree with him. Their mornings together are one of his favourite things, too.

**Author's Note:**

> I guess this is my way of squeezing fashion and Chankai into one fic. Find me on twitter here @HonigNini if you wanna hear me scream about Jongin


End file.
